


we're all made of stars

by slytherbitches



Category: Rise (TV 2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending, Soulmarks, featuring: jeremy the meme master, gwen the dramatic diva, irregular posting yikes, lou the pretentious one, michael who just wants a hug, robbie and lillette the complete and utter sweethearts, simon 'confusion is my middle name' saunders, this is a piece of shit you have been warned, tracey the invisible one because i forgot her oops
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-04-26 19:25:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 23,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14408928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slytherbitches/pseuds/slytherbitches
Summary: in which the students of stanton high live in a world where soulmates are real(vaguely follows the plot of rise)





	1. lets start at the very beginning (a very good place to start)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! there has been a lack of rise fics so i decided to write one! i hope you all enjoy :)

**CHAPTER ONE – let’s start at the very beginning (a very good place to start)**

“ _Every human being born into this world comes with a soulmate. Soulmates are identified by soulmarks. A soulmark is a symbol that appears on two individuals intertwining their souls together. There is no possible way to mix up soulmates. No two sets of soulmarks are the same. Some have been found to be very similar but there are always some differences. For example, two people might have a daisy in the same spot, but one has two leaves and the other three. This means they are not soulmates. Soulmarks can sometimes be related to soulmates chemistry or even the first thing they say to each other. This is not always the case.”_

Simon Saunders really, really, really wanted to find his soulmate, his person, his partner in life and crime. He wanted to settle down, create a family and grow old with someone he could never get tired of. He believed God gave each person a soulmate for a reason, if they weren’t supposed to be why would he bother? His parents had raised him in a household that didn’t believe in non-soulmate pairings, but even if they hadn’t he still would have believed in them whole heartedly. His parents were soulmates, his sister had found her soulmate, now it was his turn.

Lillette Suarez wasn’t sure about the whole idea of soulmates. She didn’t like the idea of only one person in the entire world being right for her. Her parents were not soulmates, and she didn’t like the idea that society claims their love wasn’t real. Not only that but there’s so many what ifs it makes Lillette’s head spin. What happens if you never find them? What if they’re 20 years older? What if they died at a young age? What if it’s a platonic soulmate and you never have kids? What if you have nothing in common? What if they love someone else?

Gordy Mazzuchelli secretly loved soulmates. The thing is how could he not? His parents were the epitome of in love. Sure, they fought sometimes but other times they were sickly sweet. They were made for each other. He respected other people’s decision to be in non-soulmate relationships, but he just didn’t get it. And he didn’t think he ever could. How could you be with someone when the person you were literally made to be with is out there?

Michael Hallowell feared meeting his soulmate. Michael used to be Margret and what if his soulmate didn’t like that? What if they were a transphobic asshole? What if the universe made them soulmates having no clue that Michael would transition? He liked to believe that the universe doesn’t make mistakes, but he was born a girl. So, he wasn’t sure how much faith he could really put into the universe. So yeah Michael had some valid reasons for being scared.

_“Recent studies show that 12% of the population is or has been in a non-soulmate marriage. But nearly 30% have been in a non-soulmate relationship before. This study also shows that 7% of non-soulmate relationships last. Phycologists argue that this is because of the fact they know that there is someone who could be better suited to them.”_

Maashous Evers didn’t really care about soulmates. He wasn’t too fussed about finding them. Sure, if he did find them he would object but why get your hopes up when you may never find them at all. Like at school there was a few soulmate boards were people will pin their mark and hope someone has the same one. He didn’t understand that, if he was going to find his soulmate he was going to do it organically. Not with a piece of paper and sheer luck. There was also the fact he didn’t really like relying on other people, he only had himself and for the meantime that was perfectly fine.

Robbie Thorne secretly hated the idea of soulmates. He thought they were overrated. His parents were soulmates yet when his mum got sick his dad couldn’t stay by her side. At first Robbie thought it was because he couldn’t bare to see her in pain. But as time passed his Dad moved on and married someone else. Soulmates were supposed to be your one and only, but Robbie’s dad proved him wrong. Now he was stuck wishing for a platonic soulmate, not a romantic one. 

Jeremy Travers couldn’t help but dream about meeting his soulmate; he was a hopeless romantic. He imagined walking into a coffee shop and locking eyes with a cute barista and knowing they’re the one. Getting stuck in the rain and someone offering a space under their umbrella. Or dropping his books in the hallway and they stop to help him pick them up. He couldn’t help but imagine every single one of these scenarios and more inside his head. But every time it was always a shadowy figure. Jeremy couldn’t wait to change that and start his love story.

Gwen Strickland didn’t believe in soulmates. Her parents were not soulmates, yet they had been married for 20 years and had a daughter. This lead her to question soulmates entirely. If they were real does that make her parents’ marriage not? How could people have crushes and even fall in love if their brains are supposedly wired to love a certain person? It just didn’t make sense to Gwen.

 

_“There have been no recorded cases of someone being born without a soulmark but 5% of the population never meet theirs. In very rare occurrences people are born with two soulmates. Of the people that find their soulmate 80% meet them (but may not realise they are soulmates) before the age of 20.”_

Simon considered himself to be a pretty lucky guy when it came to the soulmate department (apart from not meeting them yet). Almost every single person who hadn’t met their soulmate covered their mark up as it is such a personal thing. So, having a mark in an awkward place can be a real hassle. But not for Simon. Simon’s was located on his left rib, so he didn’t have to worry about it being exposed. Unlike some people at school whose marks where on their hands, causing them to wear gloves every day.

So, getting dressed in the morning was a simple routine. He didn’t have to remember to cover anything and in turn had extra time for breakfast with his family before driving to school. Every morning he picked his best friend Lillette up on the way. Lillette and Simon had been inseparable from kindergarten to the point were they occasionally get asked if they’re soulmates. But that’s not the case, neither of them had found their soulmate yet. “Morning!” He handed her a coffee as she hopped in the car. “You know Si, bringing me a coffee will not stop me from being annoyed at your chirpiness.” Simon was most definitely a morning person while Lillette tended to work late shifts, causing her to be the night owl of the two.

“Not even a thank you!” Lillette plugged her phone into the AUX chord and started playing a song in response. Their car rides were always like this. Jamming out to cool music with a coffee in one hand. Simon couldn’t ask for a better best friend. They arrived at school in no time (perks of a small town) and part ways. But not before Simon hands her a pair of knee high socks. “Si you are a life saver!” Simon always kept a spare pair of socks in his car, locker and bag in case Lillette wears the wrong pair. Lillette’s soulmark was located on her ankle and Simon was one of the only few people to have ever seen it and in turn her one of the only people who has seen his. Lillette’s mark was a sun and moon on her ankle. Simon liked to speculate it meant that Lillette and her soulmate would be total opposites yet complete each other perfectly. Lillette didn’t think much of it but didn’t shut down her best friend’s fantasies.

Simon made his way through the day pretty much normally. He was late to English but so was the teacher, got a B+ in a geography test, presented an assignment in history and had rehearsal afterschool. Simon was a theatre boy through and through, he had been the male lead in all the musicals he has been in. This year Stanton was putting on Grease; which Simon hated, there were such better musicals out there. Like Jesus Christ Superstar for example. But none the less he was cast as Danny Zuko and Gwen Strickland was cast as Sandy. Rehearsals where held after school 3 days a week and Simon loved it.

The group were running through ‘we go together’ when Mr Mazzuchelli interrupted their rehearsals to announce he was taking over the theatre department. Whispers rippled throughout the cast and Simon couldn’t believe it. Ms Wolfe was meant for the job and now some English teacher had waltzed in and took it from her. Obviously, she felt the same and stormed out of the theatre, Mr Mazzuchelli and Mr Baer the band leader following after her. “What bullshit!” Gwen was the first to speak her mind when the adults had left, and Simon couldn’t agree more. “Poor Ms Wolfe!” Annabelle was a sweet girl, always thinking about others. “I don’t think they’ll be coming back for a long time. Everyone come sit with me!” Jolene sat down on the stage and motioned for everyone to follow, which they did.

“I wanna know where everyone’s soulmarks are! mines on my thigh, anyone else?” Simon was mortified at Jolene’s words. Soulmarks were private, personal and she just told everyone were hers was. Simon’s jaw continued to drop when everyone began casually talking about them. Some people even raising hands if their marks were in the same place. “Oh my god! Isn’t the thigh the worst!” Simon did have to admit that would be a pretty bad place. “My mark is the dumbest thing in the entire world. It’s a broken heart, I kid you not!” Simon thought he would cry if Sasha’s mark was his.

“Why don’t we go around and say if we’ve found our soulmate yet. I haven’t.” Simon actually liked this idea. He could share a tiny detail that didn’t even matter and not feel too uncomfortable. Everyone slowly went around before it got to Simon’s turn and he simply said “No.” And simply most people looked shocked. “Wait what? I thought you and Suarez were soulmates!” Simon looked at Clark with wide eyes and then suddenly most people were raising their hands in agreement. “You two are practically attached at the hip!”

“Yeah that’s a no. Lillette and I are just friends! And definitely not soulmates.” Some people didn’t seem quite convinced, but all eyes were taken off him when Harmony, the girl sitting next to him revealed that her sister was her soulmate. Simon knew that some soulmates were platonic and sometimes even family, but he always simply thought of soulmates as romantic. He loved his sister so much but couldn’t imagine being her soulmate. He couldn’t imagine spending his life without someone there to hold his hand.

 

Lillette had been working at Sparky’s Diner for a little over two months, she wouldn’t say she hated it. She definitely hated her boss who groped her Mom quite a lot. She definitely hated her short breaks and the smell of the deep fryer. She definitely hated the cheesecake. But it wasn’t all bad. She loved the hash browns and all-day breakfast. She loved the harmonic but not ear-splitting ding of the door when a customer walks in. But most of all she loved people watching.

Her personal favourite people to watch was the football team, well some of them. At least 10 guys (sometimes more) on the football team liked to come and eat together once a week after practice. Always on a Tuesday and always arriving at 5.15pm on the dot. Sure, they were rowdy, disrupted the patrons and took up sometimes 3 tables. But they were good for business and all staff were instructed to treat them with more respect than normal.

Lillette always prayed that she wouldn’t have to serve their table. She hoped she could sit and watch them from the till. Most weeks she got away with it, but sometimes the universe hated her. One of the full-time staffers Angela, had been sick for a while. Leaving everyone else to work extra hard. Lillette liked Angela, she was nice to her and served the footballers even if she was supposed to. It was her turn and with no one else to turn to she swallowed her pride, put on a smile and walked over there with a pit of nerves in her stomach. “Hi, are you guys ready to order?” The table wasn’t as full as normal, instead of ten only six guys occupied seats. It wasn’t any less intimidating when all of their eyes found their way to her. “Yeah could we get two serves of strawberry waffles, two serves of fries, a cheeseburger, two lemonades and three chocolate milkshakes. Did I miss anything?” Lillette hastily wrote down their orders before another voice called out. “Hash browns!” Lillette laughed and made eye contact with Robbie Thorne, he was the school’s star football player. She wasn’t sure exactly what he played but she knew he was good. “Never forget the hash browns.”

“Right! The hash browns here are the best!” She smiled lightly. “Not sure about that but I’ll pass it along to the chef.” Lillette turned on her heel before more could be said and let out a deep breath. She passed their orders along to the chef before stationing herself back at the till. She had around ten minutes of peace and quiet before their orders were done and she had to return to their table.

She made it over there without tripping or dropping anything. She placed their food down without spilling anything and just as she was about to escape and call it a successful trip, her plan was ruined. “You’re in my maths class, right?” Robbie had decided to speak to her again. “Um yeah, why?” All his teammates stifled laughter at their awkward exchange, making Lillette turn a bright pink. “Did the homework today include four and five? Or was that yesterdays?” A dopey smile came upon his face and Lillette wanted to roll her eyes. “That was yesterdays. I hope you enjoy your meal.” Once again, she turned sharply on her heel to escape their burning eyes.

As she continued with her job she couldn’t help but steal glances and daydream about Robbie Thorne. She knew literally nothing about this boy except he was (kind of, sort of, quite) cute, sucked at maths (he did not give a single second of attention to the teacher) and could throw a ball. But yet Lillette’s head was full of him. She wondered what it would be like to wear his jersey at a football game, hold his hand in the hallway or even be soulmates. Lillette shook the crazy idea out of her head. There was no way a guy like Robbie Thorne would be into her, let alone be soulmates. Plus, she wasn’t even sure soulmates existed.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! don't forget to comment reviews and leave kudos and all that good stuff! it makes me really happy!  
> if you want to check out lillette’s soulmark here’s the link - https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/542191242631050813/  
> i'm pretty sure she's the only important one i revealed this chapter. i'll leave links as everyone’s marks are revealed!  
> chapter title is from do re mi from the sound of music if y’all wanted to know


	2. the choices we make, will shape our lives forever

**CHAPTER TWO – the choices we make, will shape our lives forever**

“ _Non-soulmate relationships have mostly been completely taboo for all of history. Women who bore child not only out of wedlock but with someone who was not their soulmate were completely shunned and disowned. For many years non-soulmate partners have not been able to wed. But with non-soulmate relationships on the rise non-soulmate marriages were legalised in 1960.”_

To say Gwen’s life sucked was a tiny bit of an understatement. Her dad who she had looked up to and idolised for her whole life had been kicked out for sleeping with Vanessa _Suarez_ of all people. She thought that maybe one aspect of her life would stay the same but no. The theatre department was overthrown and now wasn’t putting on Grease anymore; they were doing _Spring Awakening_ (which she was sure would get shut down because _Jesus_ that play was inappropriate) and on top of that she would have to audition again.

But then her whole like keeps getting suckier than before (which is kind of hard to believe) because she may have found her soulmate. Most people would be thrilled but Gwen didn’t really believe in soulmates. She thought they were a sham. But another thing piling on to the list is the fact that her maybe-soulmate is the son of the guy who is screwing up the theatre department. Complicated might be an understatement.

Sam and Denise had been married for a good twenty years and together for five years before that. The thing is though they weren’t soulmates. They met in high school and fell in love. Decided to not let their soulmarks keep them apart they decided to get married. Their parents disowned them, and they moved from Utah to Pennsylvania. Fast forward twenty years and the cracks in their marriage had started to show. Not many people knew about their soulmark-less marriage, but Gwen assumed they would soon find out fast.

Sam had cheated on Denise, multiple times with a girl named Vanessa. Gwen had no clue if they were soulmates or not, but deep down she knew she wouldn’t be surprised if they were. There was no way in hell her dad could possibly throw away his marriage for someone who wasn’t his soulmate.

Lou Mazzuchelli was Gwen’s next problem. Lou was an English teacher who randomly, out of the blue decided he wanted to run the theatre department. Next thing she knows Lou has the genius idea to scrap Grease (which isn’t her favourite but has been nominated for eleven tony awards) and put on spring awakening which simplified is about sexually repressed teenagers in nineteenth century Germany. So, Gwen is sure this play is going to be stopped and then they’ll have no musical at all or put on a dumb musical like Pirates of Penzance or something without royalties. So, to say she’s pretty pissed at Lou Mazzuchelli is an understatement.

Gordy Mazzuchelli is the son of Lou Mazzuchelli and she thinks he might be her soulmate. Gordy was on her dad’s football team, so she’s known him a couple years, but has never seen him play. Gwen’s dad was the coach, so she knew all the football boys and even sometimes sits with them at lunch (she knows more about football than most of them). Football boys tend to be a bit rough with each other so one day at lunch Gordy and another boy Anthony were wrestling a little over something Gwen had no interest in. But Anthony pulled the collar of Gordy’s shirt down slightly and low and behold a little star comes into view.

Gwen knows that the boys change together on a regular basis so it’s understandable that they would have seen glimpses at each other’s marks. But Gwen doesn’t change with the boys on a regular basis, so she immediately looks away. But when she thinks properly about what she saw she honestly wants to throw up. It wasn’t like Gordy was repulsive or anything, he actually was kind of cute in a boyish way. It was the fact that her whole life she had been thinking she would never find her soulmate. But maybe there he was sitting across from her at the lunch table. Now she couldn’t be completely sure about what she saw, it happened so quick. She only saw one star but if he did have the other two she did she still wouldn’t have been able to see them. It looked to be in the same place as hers as well.

So, Gwen’s life was going to shit and there was nothing she could do about it. Except wallow in her misery for a bit then keep her head held high. She threw herself into learning a new audition song, determined to get the lead role. As she passed her problems in the halls she looked away and even started sitting with the theatre kids every day of the week. Some of the football guys had called her out on this change but she shrugged them off and told them she was running lines. Which she wasn’t as roles hadn’t been cast yet for Spring Awakening, but none of the football guys would know that.

Of course, like everything in her life Gwen was wrong. Gwen was just minding her business trying to navigate her way through the crowed hallways when Gordy fell in line with her. “A penny for your thoughts?” Gwen was startled, there was no way in hell she could tell him what was wrong. “It’s going to cost more than a penny.” Gordy smiled lightly at her. “I was wondering why you aren’t sitting with the football team at lunch?” Gwen turned to look at him, she forgot how blunt he could be. “I have to run lines, for the musical.” He smirked at her and Gwen wanted to slap it off him. “I wish I didn’t, but I know for a fact my dad hasn’t held auditions yet for Spring Awakening. So, what’s the real reason?” Of freaking course, Gordy Mazzuchelli ruining Gwen’s life one day at a time.

“I decided I didn’t want to lose brain cells every lunchtime by sitting with you guys. Is that good enough for you?” Gordy continued to smirk at Gwen’s outburst causing her to storm away. Why was it that every boy in Gwen’s life was completely and utterly infuriating?

 

Lou Mazzuchelli really needed to stop doing things that stressed him out. Things like become theatre director with no prior experience (apart from camp a long, _long_ , _~~long~~_ time ago). Or asking his classes more than 5 questions per lesson or expect them to read the chapters he asked them to. His hair was greying quicker than usual and was very close to being pulled out from stress.

But Lou was trying to make a difference. He wanted to put on a show that meant something, that left people thinking, challenged them and their views on society. One upside of running theatre in a sports dominated environment was that he could fly under the radar. Make bold decisions that no one important would challenge, because they didn’t notice. So, Lou was putting on Spring Awakening. A show about the issues that teenagers face even in todays supposedly progressive society.

Sure, the show talked about sex, abortion, rape, domestic violence, suicide, sexual orientation and more. But he knew if people could simply look past the gritty stuff they would find a coming of age story. It’s about the fact that even if you don’t talk or address issues they are still there. It like the hunger games, a story that on the surface is about kids killing other kids for sport. But once you look past the bloodshed it’s a complete political statement focus on oppression and the corruption of the government. 

Lou knew that he would be ruffling a few (many) feathers with such a provocative musical for kids. But life was about making choices and taking risks. Auditions for Spring Awakening were held almost immediately after it was announced, Lou had no time to waste if his vision was going to have any chance of making it onstage. “Welcome to Spring Awakening auditions.” None of the kids looked particularly enthused to be there. Which to be fair he kind of brought upon himself, he changed the musical which they had already been working on for weeks. Making them scrap the lines and lyrics they had been working on, and on top of that audition again. But life was life and Lou was sure these kids would come to love and respect his decision.

Just before the first student was about to take the stage Ms Wolfe walked in and took a seat beside him. Lou was surprised to say the least. Once it was announced that the job was Lou’s Ms Wolfe went awol. Lou was pretty sure that Ms Wolfe was going to have nothing to do with the show, but it looks like he was wrong. “You need someone to show you the ropes.” She opens a note page and signals to Annabelle to start singing.

Many parts of Lou’s vision came crashing down all throughout the audition process. Sure, not a single person’s voice made his ears bleed, but some came a little too close for comfort. But there were some amazing voices. Simon Saunders had a beautiful voice. It was melodic and unflawed. His acting was unflawed and even though he was playing Jesus, Lou wanted him for Hanschen. Hanschen was a difficult role to really understand. Only a skilled actor could possibly bring justice to the character. And at Stanton, only Simon. He knew it was a bit of a risk, Simon was used to playing leads (and he auditioned playing _Jesus_ ) and he was the only boy who had auditioned (so far). But Lou had made his mind up by the last note he sung.

Gwen Strickland was the obvious choice for Wendla. Gwen was trained in song and dance. She had been a female lead more times than can count. It was almost as if they never really thought about the role they were giving her. Wendla was innocent and sensitive, yet she was smart, dark and resented the repressive society. Gwen’s voice was too refined, too perfect to possibly be Wendla’s. But she was too good to put in a role like Martha or Thea. But Ilse, she was so integral to the show’s theme and plot. In Lou’s mind she was arguably one of the most important characters. And every single time she is on stage she is important, she is on there for a reason and people play attention to her. Ilse was perfect for Gwen.

The moment Lillette started singing mama who bore me Lou was hooked. Lillette was unsure and timid, but her voice was harmonious without being perfect. With a little refining and a confidence boost Lou could see her standing on stage, opening night, the lights shining bright and the first thing the audience sees when those curtains rise. Lou could see it clearly. A piece of his vision altered but still intact.

 The tricky thing about high school theatre was boys. Boys were an integral part of any play. But theatre wasn’t the coolest thing in the entire world for a boy to be spending his time doing (which was bullshit by the way). They’d rather be spending their time throwing a football or talking to girls. But Lou had a master plan. Robbie Thorne was the schools star footballer, who conveniently was in his English class. Robbie liked to do little raps at pep rallies and things like that, and Lou could see he enjoyed it.

Robbie was also conveniently not the greatest at English and had failed the last test. Stanton had a rule that if a student on a sports team failed a test they had a one-week ban. Now the system at Stanton was a little bit corrupted. But Lou thought it was finally time to use it to his advantage. IN exchange for Robbie playing the game he auditioned for the play. At first Lou felt a little bad for using the kid, but after he warmed up a little and became for comfortable around Lillette, he was the perfect Melchior. Melchior was rebellious, he questioned the system and enjoyed it, but he was also manipulative and self-absorbed. Having two ‘newbies’ as the leads was a very big risk for Lou to take. But the two had so much chemistry that he couldn’t not. The role was Robbie’s if he wished for it.

More boys auditioned after word spread that the great Robbie Thorne had auditioned. Maashous; the lighting guy who Lou had become quite fond of had lead him to Michael. Michael was perfect for Moritz, he completely captured the intense and confused nature of Moritz. The casting wasn’t finished until Jeremy Travers out of the blue decided to audition and place himself in Lou’s vision for Ernst. Finally, Lou felt like spring was awakening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don’t we love a dramatic diva? when i was writing lou the whole time i was just trying to sound as pretentious as possible ahahaha,  
> also just letting you know i have no freaking clue what tense this is in so if your confused you’re not the only one  
> this is the link to gwen’s mark (i think it’s super cute!!!) - https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/5 12566001328983749/  
> i hope you all enjoyed it!  
> p.s chapter title is from the choices we make from a bronx tale (i saw this live and highly recommend)


	3. hands touch, eyes meet

**CHAPTER THREE - hands touch, eyes meet**

_“Despite the fact there has be recordings of same-sex soulmates all throughout time they were almost as taboo as non-soulmate relationships. No one is completely sure why. Some people believe religion and beliefs are the cause of this. In the past 100 years there has been a rise in same-sex soulmates. Some phycologists believe this is because of the social changes. While some historians believe they where always there, just not as documented.”_

Jeremy Travers _wasn’t sure if he was gay_. The thing is love was _complicated_ and Jeremy didn’t want to put a label on himself that could change in an instance. See the thing was Jeremy lived in a world where soulmates were real and what happened if his whole life he had told himself he was into boys but then his soulmate ended up being _a girl._

Jeremy wasn’t sure he could be able to deal with that. Sure, every time he built the perfect soulmate in his head it always ended up as a boy. Sure, he couldn’t talk to cute a cute boy without getting flustered. Sure, he _knew it_ in his heart, but he couldn’t bring himself to decide something that the universe might change. But Simon Saunders really made him want to scrap his rule.  

Jeremy had known Simon since the _beginning_ of high school. They had had quite a few classes together over the years, but Jeremy always brushed him off as the cute guy in his Maths class. But the first time he really saw Simon was at lunch, he didn’t remember the day, but he really should’ve. It was in the spring, he knew that because he had been sitting outside. He vaguely remembered having a music assignment _he desperately_ had to finish. It was a warm day, so he decided to sit outside by himself to get his work done.

In theory Jeremy thought that would’ve been a _great idea_. Apart from the distraction that was Simon Saunders. Simon had been sitting across the grass with Lillette. He was facing the perfect way for Jeremy to shamelessly stare and not be caught. A beam of light broke through the trees shining on Simon’s face. He laughed at something Lillette had said and Jeremy _hitched his breath_. He felt as if Simon was just lowered from heaven and placed on the grass lightly (okay _maybe_ that was an exaggeration, but he looked _really hot_ ).

He had never felt that way about someone before. Jeremy remembers being so distracted he forgot completely about the song he was _supposed_ to be writing for his English class and instead sat with his guitar and wrote about Simon. Jeremy couldn’t help himself  

Fast forward a couple months and Jeremy couldn’t be around Simon without blushing and stuttering wildly. Luckily the two spent _zero time_ together, otherwise Jeremy would’ve died from heart complications (no joke). But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get Simon out of his head. So, when his friend Annabelle pushed him to audition for the musical he did.

The school was putting on Spring Awakening and Jeremy found it _hilarious_ that Mr Mazzu had managed to dupe the school board into letting him put on an inappropriate musical. Jeremy was thrilled, he had been apart of the guys and dolls chorus his freshman year, but since then they had done boring musicals he wished to be no part of. Spring Awakening was one of his personal favourites (with Jonathan Groff in it _how could it not_ ) and Jeremy was going to be happy with any role he got.

But then he got cast as Ernst and had to _kiss a boy_. He was pretty cool with it originally, a little worried about how his scene partner would react, but cool. So, he turned up to his first rehearsal with his script in hand and a smile on his face. He had some catching up to do as they had already had a couple rehearsals, but he was prepared and ready to work. He sits in the seats and spots Simon from behind and almost immediately he tunes out from whatever Mr Mazzu was saying to stare. And continues to stare until he hears his name and snaps out of it. “Welcome back Jeremy! who did a wonderful job in his freshman year in the Guys and Dolls chorus. Jeremy will be playing Ernst.”

Jeremy stands up and gives an _awkward wave_ before sinking back into his seat even further. “Today we’re just going to quickly work through as many scenes and songs as possible, so we can get a feel for them. Could I get everyone in All That’s Known up on stage?” Jeremy had spent every waking minute since being cast memorising the script and working out which scenes he was in. He quickly checked the list of scenes which he had highlighted (yellow for the ones he was in, green for his favourites and pink for the songs) and found he was supposed to be onstage.

They huddled around the piano and Jeremy made sure to stand _as far away_ as possible from Simon. He needed to concentrate on what he was doing. Jeremy wasn’t exactly sure who was playing who, but he expected Simon to be Melchior, but his guess was wrong when _Robbie Thorne_ started to sing his part and Simon was left singing with the rest of them. They sang through it pretty smoothly and he had to admit that Robbie was actually pretty good. Jeremy could see him as a bit of a Melchior.

They ran through it once again but with movements. They where all sitting on chairs facing the side of the stage. Jeremy was seated next to Simon and he had never been more thankful that he had to sit still and look straight ahead. They ran through Moritz’s part and blocked a tiny bit of touch me. Michael, the other new guy had been cast as Moritz and it in turn the possible list of people playing Hanschen (a working title) was getting smaller.

Simon was still on that list and Jeremy was half praying he was, and half wasn’t. He thought it would be awesome to have an opportunity to get to know Simon (definitely not kiss, _no_ Jeremy wasn’t thinking about that _at all_ ) but he wasn’t sure if he could handle himself around him. “Take a quick water break everyone and then we’ll have the Word of Your Body, Reprise.” The kids dispersed for a quick break and Jeremy almost started hyperventilating. He distracted himself and spent 5 minutes listening to Annabelle ramble about how much she hated their English teacher. “Belle, chill. I’ve got to be onstage and maybe once I’m done you can move on to our music teacher?” His time was up, and he made his way onstage. “You’re _so_ funny!” Jeremy turned and winked at his friend and when he turned back Simon Saunders was standing across the piano. Jeremy thought his life could end right there and then.

“I guess you’re literally the Hanschen to my Ernst?” Jeremy wanted to _shoot himself_ , there was no way he could get through this rehearsal with his dignity intact. “I suppose so.” Jeremy guessed he wanted to be one of the leads and was probably very pissy about it. They started singing through the song and Jeremy kept his eyes peeled to his script, pretending he didn’t know the words. It’s not like Spring Awakening was one of his _favourite_ musicals of _all time_. They stopped occasionally to go through harmonies but in the end finished the song in no time.

Jeremy was seriously praying all they were going to do was sing. But apparently Mr Mazzu was seriously out to get him and decided they were going to walk through it quickly. They ended up on the floor very far apart. Jeremy could feel the awkwardness radiating off of him and he knew that he would have to do most of the work. He scooted over closer. “Dude it’s all cool.” Jeremy had literally _never_ said dude in his whole life, but Mr Mazzu instructed Simon to place his hand on Jeremy’s knee and a look came upon his face that basically said he would rather die. So, Jeremy said the word dude to tell him he wouldn’t think anything of it and that there were _no_ feelings involved whatsoever. When in actual fact Jeremy felt so many feelings. His hand landed on his knee and they both stared at each other. Jeremy had never actually seen his eyes that close, he felt like he could stare in them forever. But forever ended up being like 4 seconds when Simon broke the gaze. Jeremy had never blushed that hard in his life.

They moved on after that to Totally Fucked, and Jeremy found himself having a good old time jumping around on stage. His previous worries about collapsing every rehearsal melted away as he bounced around happily. Also, there was something seriously satisfying about getting to yell the word fucked. “Don’t get too excited we’re not actually going to say it, but the merit will be there. We’ll actually say something along the lines of totally ff’ed. But for now, we can just say it.” The whole casted awed, who _wouldn’t_ want to yell fucked at their parents, family and friends?

Rehearsal finished with Lillette singing Mama Who Bore me beautifully/aggressively. That wasn’t really the way Jeremy interpreted it, but he liked what she was doing. He said quick goodbyes to everyone and headed out the parking lot. In the safety of his car he couldn’t help but hit his head on the steering wheel and think about how he was _totally fucked_.

 

His whole life Gordy had been the black sheep of the family. He didn’t like music, sure he enjoyed listening to it, but he didn’t enjoy _playing_ it. He didn’t have an artistic bone in his body, unlike literally everybody in his family. And _Jesus_ he hated showtunes with a passion. He loved football, even though he was benched every game. He didn’t just love football, he loved all sports. So, Gordy was the black sheep of his family.

He _loved_ his family, more than words. Nothing could change that. But he felt like an outsider looking in on his own home. He was never really present in conversations. He opted out on family outings and never really joined in. So, when one day his dad brought home a random kid and said he was going to be staying there for a couple days. Gordy couldn’t believe it, who would bring a random kid to come stay with them?

Over the next couple days as Maashous began to settle in a bit and become more comfortable around the Mazzuchelli clan, Gordy felt even more like an outsider. He felt as if Maashous was replacing him, he was more creative than Gordy could ever be (not that he wanted to, _barf_ ). Not only that, but he was sleeping _in his room._ “Dude, what are you even doing here?” Gordy was lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling. He knew Maashous was awake as he couldn’t hear him snoring. “I’m not sure”  

A couple minutes passed before Gordy spoke again. “Well why are you here?” Maashous sits up and stares at him. “Look, I didn’t sign up to play 20 questions.” Gordy wasn’t having it, not one bit. This time he sat up. “You are a _stranger_ , and you’re sleeping in my room. Kill me for having some questions.” Maashous scoffed. “I know nothing about you either!” Gordy leaned over and snapped the light on. “Well maybe we should!” “Fine!”

The two sat in silence for a moment waiting for the right words to say. “What’s your favourite…. _colour?_ ” Gordy could see Maashous cringe at his own words, but without a second to spare he responded. “Blood on the football field.” Gordy’s favourite was red, so he wasn’t lying. “Not the answer I was expecting but sure. Um, favourite food?” Maashous scratched his head, trying to rack his brain for questions. Gordy found his squirming hilarious. “The taste of victory.” His favourite food was actually nachos. “Not sure that’s a food. Are you going to ask me a question or is this speed dating for one?”

“Fine, you ever been to jail?” Maashous looked stunned for a second. “I thought you were going to follow with something dumb like _what’s your star sign_. But I had to spend a night in jail once for stealing.” Gordy could imagine vividly Maashous cowering in a corner crying and regretting all life decisions. “Alright where’s you’re soulmark?” Maashous spluttered around like a dying fish. “I asked you about your favourite food and colour and you ask me about jail and my soulmark?!” Gordy shrugged, he hated small talk. “Dude, you going to tell me or not?”

Maashous hesitated for a moment before pulling a handful of curls from behind his ear. A lightbulb came into Gordy’s view and he wanted to awe, he didn’t obviously. “Your _awful hair_ kind of makes sense now. But what do you think it means? Ah, I mean a lightbulb?” Maashous chuckled and rolled his eyes. “If you didn’t know I’m a lighting guy for the musicals.” Gordy did know that, but he wasn’t about to tell Maashous that. “So maybe I might meet them at the musicals or something? I don’t know it’s pretty dumb.”

Gordy didn’t think it was dumb. He really enjoyed when people talked about their soulmarks. He liked theorizing about what they could mean. He always thought he was like that because he had _no idea_ what to think about his soulmark. He also liked seeing the different ways people talked about their soulmates. He could kind of tell Maashous didn’t really care, seeing how quick he was to show Gordy. “So, you going to show me yours? It’s only fair.”

Gordy sighed and pulled down his t-shirt. “ _Only_ so I can walk around the house without a top.” Gordy’s mark was located on his collarbone and was a series of three small stars. His whole life he had wondered what it meant, but he had never come to any solid confusion. “Please keep your top firmly on. Well what do you think yours means? Maybe it’s a constellation or something?” Gordy shook his head. He had already checked, and it didn’t match any.

“Who knows man.” Their conversation dwindled at that point and they didn’t mind. Gordy decided he didn’t despise Maashous that much, and he felt a little more comfortable with him sleeping in his room. It didn’t mean he would sit with him at lunch or suddenly become best friends with the kid. But maybe he might smile at him in the hallway, _occasionally_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jeremy the pine master ahahha. i love the idea of him pining after simon and him being a hopeless romantic.  
> i have seen a few headcannons floating around tumblr about jeremy auditioning for ernst after he found out simon was playing him. i wanted to play with that idea, he didn’t know he was hanschen but he definetly liked him before.  
> also, i wanted gordy and maashous bonding time. i really hope i nailed how blunt gordy is. also, i didn’t mention alcohol because i believe gordy doesn’t know he has a problem in the beginning.  
> ALSO, I REPEAT WE KNOW GWEN AND GORDY ARE SOULMATES NOW, BUT THEY DON’T.  
> gwen and gordy’s soulmarks for those who want it - https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/512566001328983749/  
> maashous’s soulmark - https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/394135404858715258/https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/394135404858715258/  
> p.s the title is from i’m not that girl from wicked.


	4. it's a bad idea me and you, hold me close while i think this through

**CHAPTER FOUR – it’s a bad idea me and you, hold me close while i think this through**

_“It has been found that if two soulmates have an intense physical interaction that soulmarks radiate heat. Like for example when soulmates kiss for the first time or after not seeing each other for a long period of time. But often if they are holding hands casually, soulmarks will not heat up. There is no gauge for why or when soulmarks will increase in temperature. In some cases, soulmarks will burn frequently in the beginning but will lessen as the relationship grows older. They figuratively and literally fizzle out.”_

Robbie Thorne _loved_ football, if it was possible football would’ve been his soulmate. It wasn’t just because he was good at it. He _loved_ the teamwork, the plays, the bright lights, the smell of the grass. He loved every aspect of it. It just so helped he was good. But sometimes being good _sucked_. The team relied on him so much, he almost felt like he was carrying the weight of the world. Everyone assumed it was his only way to get into college. It was almost as if because he played football he was dumb, he _definitely wasn’t_ the sharpest tool in the shed. But he wasn’t _dumb._

Robbie Thorne also _loved_ being on stage. He wasn’t as vocal with this love though, but it was defiantly there. It was really a shame it took him so long to figure out. He _loved_ acting, pretending to be someone else, escaping his problems. He liked the people too, sure at first, they only saw him as the football star who got the role to sell more tickets. But they saw more than that eventually (he _hoped_ at least).

One thing he didn’t love about the two was _juggling them_. He was busy literally every single night, and even when he got home. If he was at football, he would be rehearsing lines at home. If he was at rehearsals he would spend the night running through his playbook. He had no spare time _at all_. And his friends and parents were noticing.

He had hardly any time to go see his mother. His dad was highly concerned about his football (not his grades, _football_ ). His friends were concerned about him missing trainings, parties and lunchtimes for a ‘stupid play’. And to be honest Robbie was concerned about _losing his mind_. But he pushed the feelings aside, he had to put _his everything_ in succeeding. At both football _and_ the show.

So, when Lillette (his scene partner in the show) asked him if he wanted to run lines he internally _jumped_ at the idea. He was excited to run lines with her, Robbie couldn’t deny she was cute. She also seemed different than all the other girls he had _‘dated’_. Dated was a loose term, at least for Robbie. But despite the fact Lillette seemed more interesting.

Robbie being the _dumbass_ he was destined to be scheduled to work with Jamal after practice, thinking he could get some extra throws in then slip away. But as stated before Robbie was a dumbass for thinking that. He had tried to leave early but Jamal had guilted him into staying. He had said some _bullshit_ about him needing to go to college and Robbie just couldn’t let him down. But because of that he had to let Lillette down.

The next week he had a one on one rehearsal and he couldn’t think straight. He would look into Lillette’s eyes and then suddenly the words didn’t come out right. They became muddled, intangible and straight out wrong. He could hear Tracy yelling the right words at him, but it was _no hope_. With Lillette’s brown eyes staring at him with such _disappointment_ , he couldn’t concentrate. He had to make things right.

“Hey, I’m _so sorry_ about the other night.” Robbie decided to approach Lillette after the failure that was the rehearsal, but she seemed to be having none of it. “I know, I got your text.”  She turned to walk off the stage, but Robbie grabbed her arm. “Is it possible to try again? I obviously need the extra rehearsal.” Lillette looked like she wanted to rip _all_ her hair out. “Look I have shifts all week, if you’re really _that desperate_ I’m sure I can find some time in my break.” With that she turned away from Robbie and walked off the stage. Robbie felt a little bad (okay _a lot_ ) But he was going to try and make it right.

The next day Robbie decided to take up Lillette on the offer. He arrived with his friends, on the dot at 5.15. But instead of sitting with them like normal, he made his way over to the counter and sat on one of the barstools. He could feel his friend’s eyes on him as he sat there alone, only for a moment though as Lillette soon came up to him. “ _What are you doing?_ ” Robbie smiled and pulled out his script. “I’m here to run lines, if that’s okay by you?” Robbie enjoyed watching the disbelief wash over her face. She leaned close to whisper something. “You realise _all_ your friends are staring?” He chuckled. “Of course, they are, now could I order some hash browns and your inner Wendla?” She nodded and headed back to the kitchen to place his ( _their_ ) order.

She returned with a script in hand. “I’m on my break, which means I’m officially a free woman. Well until my boss comes and yells at me.” They both opened their books, starting at the first scene they had together. It went smoothly for the first couple of scenes. Robbie looked up and saw the ghost of a smile on Lillette’s face, suddenly he couldn’t handle himself. He started putting on stupid voices and mucking up words on purpose. In hopes that he would be able to see her smile, if only for a _second_.

“Robbie come on! This is _a serious scene_!” Robbie would have taken her seriously, but giggles escaped as she whined. “This is a serious scene!” He mocked her, and she rolled her eyes. But Robbie could see the smile, and in that instance, it was all that mattered.

 

Vanessa Suarez really tried her hardest to be a good mother, under the circumstances she was given. All she wanted was for her little girl to have a good and happy life. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to give everything to her daughter, but she was going to try.

But the thing was, Vanessa was particularly good at making bad decisions. Decisions that hurt herself, and her daughter in the long run. The thing was she was also particularly good at being impulsive, not thinking about things. This went quite well with her bad decision making.

One bad decision, well she wasn’t sure if he was a bad decision quite yet. One _decision_ was Sam Strickland. Vanessa had met Sam around a year after he had moved into town, _with his wife._ And from that moment she was hooked, and she had no clue why. He was blonde and cute, but not like the guys she had been interested before.

But he had _a wife,_ and Vanessa was not about to become a home wrecker. Besides she had never really talked to him. Until he came into the diner for the first time, spoke nicely with her and smiled wide. But he had _a wife_ , a lovely one too. One she had never met. Until she came into the diner one night with him. They smiled, laughed and at burgers at a booth in the corner. Vanessa’s heart ached. But before he left, he smiled at her and for a split second. The world was good.

But he had _a wife._ But Vanessa thought he only had _a wife_ , not a daughter. But the world was against her (as it had been for most of her life) and one day, she was walking down the street and across from her she could see Sam, his wife and his little baby daughter. Now he had _a family._ And a year later she had a little girl of her own.

He still smiled at her, and her heart still soared. But they each had _a family._ And family was more important than anything in the world. But then 16 years later, he was telling her he didn’t have _a wife._ He was telling her they were breaking up, getting a divorce, that it wasn’t working anymore. Vanessa didn’t know what to possibly think. She felt something undeniable with him. But he had a wife and daughter. He had a family. But then he didn’t, and her mind was spinning.

So, Sam Strickland was a decision. Sometimes when she thought about it he was a bad one. The word _family_ kept circling around her head. But then sometimes he was a good one. _They were soulmates_. Like real soulmates, matching marks and all. Vanessa wasn’t sure how to handle the situation. Her heart was leading her to him, but her brain was running away.

Vanessa liked to think that had they not been soulmates she _never_ would’ve gotten that far. She _never_ would’ve gone through with it. That her heart would’ve _never_ fluttered for that long. But being soulmates changes _everything_. But it also completely makes sense (to Vanessa at least). There was no way in hell Vanessa would’ve liked a guy for so long unless they were her soulmate. The tiny little butterfly on their ribs changed _everything._

Yet it changed _nothing_ at all. Sam moved back into his house, back into _his family_. Vanessa was crushed. Her soulmate didn’t want a future. He didn’t want her. Vanessa always had a ‘to hell with soulmates’ attitude (she had a freaking _child_ with someone else). But meeting her soulmate, being with him, kissing him for the first time. For Vanessa it changed everything.

So, she tried ignoring his texts. Tried looking the other way. But he sent her a text asking to meet and Vanessa did. The whole way she was running through what she could say. What she could yell at him. How she could end it. But they kissed, she knew it was _wrong_ , but it _felt so right_.

And then her world came _crashing down_ in the form of a pair of headlights. A pair of headlights belonging to _Simon Saunders_ car. Lillette’s best friend’s car. Her daughters face stared at her from the passenger seat and the tears just flowed. Vanessa didn’t have the capacity to take in anything around her. She never felt herself fall to the floor. She never felt Sam’s arms wrap around her. She just felt the disappointment of her daughter.

“He’s my _soulmate!_ ” Vanessa could feel Lillette’s anger wash away at that sentence. Her daughter and her had been yelling in the kitchen. They were fighting about what she had seen, and Vanessa couldn’t hold it in anymore. She cried into her daughters embrace as she wrapped her arms around her. “ _Oh mum_.” More tears fell at the brokenness in her voice.

They broke apart after a lifetime, and Vanessa was about to leave the room when a small voice stopped her. “ _Mum?_ What’s it like?” Vanessa knew what she was talking about. “It’s like a cold bed on a warm night. it’s like a beam of light making its way through clouds. It’s like watching the sunrise and having the colours melt together. It’s like the final piece of the puzzle of like. _That’s_ what finding your soulmate feels like.”

Despite all of these feelings she had to push him away. She didn’t reply to his texts or answer his calls. _His family_ needed him, and _her family_ needed her. But she couldn’t do it. He turned up at her work and wanted to talk. He asked how she was doing and all she could do was lie. He gave her a phone case, a phone case _with butterflies_. Vanessa couldn’t handle it.

She turned up at _his work_ the next day and gave it back. “You can’t do this anymore. Don’t talk to me, don’t look at me, don’t text me, don’t call me. Especially don’t play me. You have _a family!_ You may ruin yours, but you do not get to interfere with mine. I need to be there for my little girl. And I can’t do that if I’m with you. At least like this.”

She walked away from him. She walked away from _her soulmate_. She walked away from _the butterflies_. She walked away from _the fluttering._ She walked away from _happiness._ But she walked to _her daughter_. She walked to _self-respect_. And she walked to _happiness_. Meeting her soulmate completed the puzzle, yet it created a whole new one she wasn’t sure could be _completed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoop woo chapter four and another soulmate pairing revealed. coach and vanessa have a really intense and interesting dynamic so fun times.  
> i tried to write vanessa really choppy and jumpy, because that’s what she’s feeling. so if you found it hard to read or it didn’t flow that was on purpose!  
> also a dive into robbie’s mind, he’s not my fav but i think he has a lot to play around with.  
> coach and vanessa’s soulmark - https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/422353271287668495/  
> p.s the chapter title is from bad idea, from waitress (one of my favourites, the music is beautiful, the staging is beautiful, the story is beautiful, i highly recommend you give it a listen)  
> p.p.s i would love feedback so feel free to chuck me a comment! constructive criticism is wanted!


	5. your life could end up changing while you're dancing

**CHAPTER FIVE – your life could end up changing while you’re dancing**

_“Studies show that in a test group of 1000 people 50% have thought someone was their soulmate when in actuality they weren’t. 40% ran away or did not believe it when they found out. 10% found their soulmate in primary school, 80% in high school or university and 10% after. In the control group no one hadn’t found their soulmate.”_

Michael had never really felt like he _belonged_. Sure, when he was Margret things were easier, but he never felt like he was a part of anything. He felt as if his whole life he had been _behind a glass door._ Able to see, but _never_ participate. But when he decided on Michael the glass door lifted. He could _finally_ experience life.

But most people _sucked_ and didn’t accept Michael for who he was. He didn’t need people’s acceptance, but he would be lying if he said he didn’t want it. So, when Mr Mazzuchelli approached him and said that Maashous had recommended his voice for the musical, he was _stunned_ (with a capital S). He thought about it for a bit, he had sung in choir, but he had never been in a show before. He had never danced in front of people or acted, like _ever._

But he thought about it some more and decided to go for it. Theatre kids seemed like some of the most accepting people in the school. And if they turned out to be assholes he always had Maashous. Maashous and Michael had never been close before he started transitioning. But they were friends and Maashous stepped up to help him when the times got tough. They became closer and started spending most of their time together.

Michael really, really, _really_ liked Maashous. He was quiet but had a killer sense of humour. What made his jokes 100 times better is that you never expected them. He would just quietly say something super witty and you couldn’t help but laugh. Mostly Maashous was kind though. He always put others before himself, something Michael admired.

Just because he loved having Maashous as a friend didn’t mean he _didn’t miss_ his old friends. But apart of him felt like he needed a new life, for the new him. That was the ultimate driver for Michael to join the play. He really regretted that decision when he saw Sasha sitting in the red seats staring at him blankly. Michael wanted to curl up into a ball and cry. Sasha and him, had been best friends since _life itself_. But he had pushed her away once he started to figure things out. He wouldn’t have been able to take it if she rejected him, so to save his heart he slowly pushed her away. It wasn’t only that though. He had no idea how to work through the things he was going through. _So, how could Sasha?_

But it wasn’t like he could walk up and tell her that. As she was completely and utterly ignoring him. It had been _three_ rehearsals and she hadn’t said a word. It helped her that they had no scenes forcing them to talk or interact. On top of the fact he was the third lead and constantly occupied. But other than that small detail he was having a fun time.

Everyone was super nice and didn’t comment on the whole transgender thing. He had made some really good friends in Jeremy and Jolene funnily enough. She had been a bit rude to him when he interrupted some ‘club’ for the understudies. He had walked into the theatre department with the purpose of dropping off some papers for Miss Wolfe. But found them all sitting together and joined.

She was hostile but, in the end, warmed to him and they had been hanging out regularly ever since. He spent half of his lunchtimes and most of his free periods hanging out in the theatre department with the theatre kids. The other half he spent with Maashous. Maashous hung out in the band room when Michael was in the theatre department (he could play bass well), Michael had even tried inviting him, but he refused. So, Michael finally felt like he had found his little place in the world. On the stage and with the theatre kids.

“ _Oi Mickel!_ Get over here!” Michael rolled his eyes at Jolene’s mispronunciation but made his way over none the less. “My parents are out of town so I’m having a drama department party this Friday and I want my _favourite person_ to be there!” She pulled him into a side hug and leaned close to whisper. “ _There’s gonna be booze!”_ Michael couldn’t help but laugh loudly at his friend. “Can I bring Maashous?”

“You make him sound like he’s your puppy dog! But of course, I’m inviting _all the_ music nerds too. _Opps,_ that will offend them, band nerds. I know, _I know_ , we haven’t had sitzprobe yet but they’re apart of the show and it’s a good opportunity to mingle!” Michael loved Jolene, her erratic and sarcastic nature made her a ball to hang out with. She also had mastered the art of comedic timing.

“Are you _sure_ it has nothing to do with the cute guitar player you’re into?” Jolene sputtered and shoved him a little. _“Noooo!_ Okay maybe a _little,_ also the cute violinist that Francis likes but you didn’t hear that from me!” With that she imitated throwing a smoke bomb down and disappearing backstage. But in real life she just bolted awkwardly.

Michael was excited for the party. He wasn’t exactly the most popular kid going around. Meaning he wasn’t exactly a party connoisseur. But he was excited to attend one with all of his favourite people. He managed to con Maashous into attending with him. Michael had made a list of things he needed to complete _. One_ was don’t leave Maashous unattended unless he feels comfortable. _Two_ , don’t get drunk (Michael was designated driver). _Three_ was don’t let Jolene embarrass herself in front of the guitar player. The _fourth_ and final one was to find out at least one person’s deepest darkest secret. Michael really wanted to have a reputation as the _mom!friend_ and the Stanton drama secret keeper. 

Michael and Maashous arrived at the party just as it was getting into full swing. Jolene had a _huge_ house but mostly everyone was packed into the open plan kitchen, lounge and dining and the connecting games room. He also thought he saw some kids jumping in the pool outside. He could see Annabelle, Jeremy and Francis sitting around the piano and tuning a guitar. Harmony and Gwen were on the deck playing beer pong. Lillette, Simon and Robbie were sitting on the couch playing cards. Jolene was dancing by the record player with the cute guitarist.

Michael had no clue who to join. One of his goals was to help Jolene but Michael had a serious soft spot for cards. So, he turned to Maashous. “What do you want to do?” He could see Maashous scan the party until his eyes landed on a couple of band kids in the corner. He could see them waving him over. “Do you mind?” Michael shook his head. “Nah dude, it’s all cool. I’ll see you in a bit.” Michael smiled lightly as he watched him walk away. He headed over to the couch and plonked himself down next to Robbie.

“Do you guys mind if I join?” Robbie turned and gave him a fist bump. “Sure bro, we’re playing spoons. Do you know how to play?” Michael averted his eyes to the table and saw a handful of straws laying next the pack of cards. “Yeah, I used to play all the time.” They took three spoons from the pile and started to play. Robbie seemed to get overwhelmed by the number of cards being thrown his way, so Lillette, Simon and Michael managed to each grab a spoon and continue to play for at least a couple minutes before he realised.

They played many more games after that and the score seemed to be pretty even between Michael and Lillette. But Lexi was catching up, she had seen them playing and had joined a couple games after Michael.

“Hey guys I’ll catch you later!” From the corner of his eye he noticed Jolene stumbling and his superhero instincts kicked in “I want a rematch!”  He barley registered Lillette yelling back at him. He wrapped his arm around Jolene and she melted into the embrace. “ _Mickel!_ Where have you been? I missed you!” She stumbled a bit and Michael had to move fast to catch her. “I’m sorry about her.” Tony the guitarist gave a chuckle and shrug. “She’s _a’ight,_ tell her to call me.” Michael nodded as he walked away and turned back to Jolene. “You want some water?” Jolene nodded and started rambling about Tony and his ‘ _beautiful’_ British accent (her words, _not his_ ).

He pulled her over to the kitchen and sat her atop the counter. “We are going to move to England and have _40_ British babies!” Michael laughed at how drunk she was, happy that she was at her own home and didn’t have to go anywhere. “Okay slow down, maybe start at calling him tomorrow.” Michael tried to calm her down, but she just continued. “What if his parents hate me? What if they find my teasing rude instead of seeing it as _an expression of my love_?” Michael wanted to pour a bucket of water on her, maybe that would get her to shut up.

“Jo, _your drunk_.” She faked a gasp and leaned close. “Tell me something I don’t know short stuff, like Tony’s middle name.” Michael couldn’t help but roll his eyes, hard at Jolene. “I’m going to go take a nap on the couch because I just saw Tony go outside, meaning there’s nobody inside I need to impress.” With that she jumped off the bench, gave Michael a friendly peck on the cheek for his trouble and went on her way. Task three was _completed._

Michael was left standing awkwardly before he spotted Jeremy doing the same. He had his back turned and was leaning against the counter, staring into the living room. Michael went and stood next to him, he followed his line of vision and found Simon, Lillette and Annabelle on the couch. Simon and Annabelle looking particularly cosy. “You okay their bro?” Jeremy turned to him and nodded, but Michael wasn’t convinced. “You look like _shit._ ”

“Thanks that’s _just_ what I needed.” Michael pulled up a chair and plonked next to him. “Want to talk to me about it? _I got an A_ in psychology.” Jeremy looked torn for a second before he agreed. “Have you met your soulmate?” Michael unintentionally pulled his cap down a little more before shaking his head. “Me neither, but I think I know who they are.” He had to take a deep breath before continuing. “I felt something with them, like _nothing_ I had ever felt before. But I wasn’t sure. Then we were in the changing room and I didn’t mean to look _but I did_! And it looked to be the same as mine, but I turned away before I could properly see. It was _definitely_ in the same spot. And now I don’t know what to do.”

Michael watched him slump in his seat and take a swig of his beer. It took him a minute to process all the information being thrown at him. After awhile he spoke up. “So, it’s a boy?” Jeremy’s nod was all the confirmation needed. “If you don’t mind me asking, are you gay?” Jeremy sighed, Michael could tell he knew the question was coming. “I think so. But I don’t want to label myself in case the universe decides my soulmate is a girl.” Michael nodded, he completely understood.

“Who is he?” Jeremy sighed once again. “Simon.” Michael nodded, it made sense. He had seen Jeremy look at him a couple of times before. He didn’t connect the dots as to why though. “So, you think he’s your soulmate.” It wasn’t really a question, just confirming he heard right (the music was _really pounding_ ). He nodded. “I would just talk to him.”

“I’ve tried! He keeps blowing me off and I have no clue why!” Michael could tell he really liked him. “I hope you don’t mind me asking but where is your mark?” Jeremy contemplated for a second. Rather than speaking he lifted his shirt up. And low and behold Michael spotted a rose on his ribs. “So, you think he has the same one?” Jeremy nodded and pulled his shirt down. “Can’t be sure though, where’s yours.”

Normally Michael wouldn’t have shown him, he hasn’t really shown anyone. But Jeremy showed his and Michael considered him a friend. So, he lifted his hat and pulled his hair away from his ear. Michael’s mark was a little lightbulb tucked in behind his ear. “ _So that’s why_ you’re always wearing a hat. I thought it was you trying to exert masculinity.” Michael laughed at his joke and pulled a little more hair, so he could have a closer look. “Actually, I feel like I’ve seen that before. Not because someone showed me, but I was probably staring at the back of their head.”

Michael’s breath quickened. Jeremy had seen his mark before! And on someone else! “Sorry bud I can’t remember.” Michael frowned but quickly changed the subject once more. “I think you should corner Simon and talk to him. That’s _what I would do.”_ Jeremy smiled lightly. “Thanks, I’ll try that.” They hugged quickly before parting ways. “Don’t worry. You’re secrets safe with me.” Michael could officially check goal four off the list.

He decided to work on number one. He scoured the premises for Maashous. He found him sitting outside with his feet in the pool. “Hey what are you up to?” Michael sat down and offered him the drink he had grabbed him. “It sounds dumb, but I like watching the water shimmer in the light.” Michael watched his face carefully. The light from the pool hit his face, making him glow a nice blue colour. “It’s not dumb.”

“It’s just calming, you know?” Michael nodded. “Yeah I do.” The two sat in silence for a bit. Each admiring the pool and stars shining in the night. Michael shuffled a bit closer to him and put his head on Maashous’s shoulder. “ _I’m really glad_ we’re friends, I hope you know that.” Michael could see Maashous smile. “Me too, _Me too_.” They stayed in that position for a while. Everyone had gone inside leaving just the two of them. Michael could feel his soulmark warming up, but he thought nothing of it and simply, enjoyed the moment. 

Muffled yells and screams filled the air, but they didn’t mind. It was only when Clark ran outside, followed by all of the party. They moved apart quickly as they all made their way into the pool area. He started to strip. To say Michael and Masshous were confused was an understatement. “What the hell is he doing?” Jolene turned to him and laughed. “It’s a dare.” Michael shook his head and turned to Maashous, who seemed to have an identical look. “Hey Jo, this has been super fun but we’re going to bounce.” They hugged, and she gave him one of her best pouts, trying to convince him to stay. “Make _good choices!”_

Michael grabbed Maashous and lead him inside. “You good to go?” He nodded and grabbed his jacket, which he had thrown on the couch earlier. Michael smiled, the party had gone well. As they walked down the street to were Michael had parked his car all he could think about is how at home he felt. A feeling he hadn’t really felt in a long time. As he turned the key he knew he had completed _goal number two._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh how fun was that! I love michael and his character is such a bean. MICHAEL AND MAASHOUS ARE SOFT SOULMATES FIGHT ME! i hope you guys liked the party as the next couple of chapters are everyone else’s point of view. it’s going to be juicy! i’m not sure how many chapters i’m going to write but i think 10-15 is probably it. so get ready for the action!  
> p.s the chapter title is from dancing through life, from wicked (it's a banger)


	6. he's gone from a guy that you'd never be into, into a guy that you'd kinda be into

**CHAPTER SIX – he’s gone from a guy that you’d never be into, into a guy that you’d kinda be into**

_“Soulmates have always been a touchy subject for most. Many people hide their soulmarks as it is such a personal thing. School dress codes have rules set in place so that everyone can cover their soulmark no matter its location. Soulmarks are such a huge part of everyone’s lives yet they are not brought up in everyday conversation. Phycologists believe this is because of how we were raised.”_

Simon Saunders was _not_ gay. Not one bit. He was going to find his very _female_ soulmate and have many children. At least that’s what he told himself. But even if he wasn’t, he _couldn’t_. His parents would freak, and his church would freak, and he would freak. The only thing worse would be being in a relationship with someone that _wasn’t_ his soulmate.

Simon Saunders was _not_ gay. He _definitely_ didn’t accidentally think about some of his castmates too often then normal. He _totally_ thought girls were really pretty. And he _definitely_ had a crush on Gwen in his freshman year. That was why he stuttered around her. _Definitely_ not because she was tall and intimidating. He _definitely_ didn’t stare at Jeremy Travers face and sigh. That was not a thing, he stared at girls like Annabelle, _totally._

Simon Saunders was not _gay_ , but his character was. Not only was his character gay, but he had to kiss a boy. _A boy!_ But if that couldn’t get any worse it’s never specified if they’re soulmates or not. Hypothetically they could be, but there’s an even bigger chance they’re _not._

So, Simon was sure his family _wouldn’t deal_. His parents would tell him to drop out of the play saying they didn’t believe in its messages or _something_ along those lines. He’d tell them sorry, but he actually likes the play, so he won’t drop out. Then his dad would probably send him to boarding-school in _Switzerland_ or somewhere else far away for being too ‘ _rebellious’_. To Simon that seemed about right. But he had to tell them, slipping them the script and telling them to read it seemed like the easiest option.

So, it was _official_ Simon was having an existential crisis. It had started with the play but had reached its peak at Jolene’s drama party. Simon and Lillette were on their way to English when Jolene stopped them and invited them to a party she was holding that night. It wasn’t really their scene, but she assured them it was drama kids only. Simon thought why the hell not and agreed to go. Lillette whined a little but had shut up when Simon mentioned Robbie was probably going to be there.

So, they went. Simon picked up Lillette a little after 9 and drove over to Jolene’s house. Simon had been there before, but it was pretty obvious which house it was as many cars were parked outside. “Can we have a code word? Like if I find myself in an awkward situation and need help?” Simon laughed and shook his head. “That’s what best friend spidey senses are for! But _seriously Lil_ , you’re going to be fine.” She didn’t seem quite convinced but jumped out of the car, Simon following after her. “Fake it till you make it.”

They walked inside the house as the door was open (they knew if they knocked they wouldn’t be heard). Inside Simon could see people milling about in the kitchen and outside. Every face looked somewhat familiar, so Simon was wondering who to join. He decided against leaving Lillette, so he shouted a hello to Jolene who he had spotted in the kitchen and lead Lillette to the couch. “Hey, I never got to thank you for pushing me to audition.” Simon loved Lillette with every part of him. “You have no reason to thank me, you should thank Mr Mazzu for shaking things up.” The two laughed and continued to talk. The conversation moved through English, teachers, crushes and the play till it finally landed on Simon’s family.

“How are your parents dealing with the play?” Simon wanted to steer clear and forget about it, but Lillette was his best friend. If he was going to talk to anyone, it would be _her._ “I gave them the script yesterday, they haven’t said a word. Tomorrow I’ll most likely be packing my bags.” Lillette punched him in the arm. “Don’t be stupid, your parents _wouldn’t do that_.” Simon looked at her. “Are you kidding me?” She grimaced and thought about it some more. “Okay _maybe,_ but they’re still your parents and they’ll support you.”

Simon wasn’t convinced, but he was saved by the bell when Robbie walked into the party. He and Lillette locked eyes immediately and he made his way over to the couch. “Hey Robbie.” Simon wanted to barf at his best friend trying to flirt. “Hey Lillette, Simon. What’s up?” Robbie quickly added his name like he had forgotten he was there. “Nothing much, not sure what to do. Any suggestions?” Robbie looked around before his eyes landed on a pack of cards sitting on the coffee table. “Kinda lame but why don’t we play cards?” Simon shrugged, he honestly didn’t care. But funnily enough Lillette looked excited. “ _Oh my god!_ We should play spoons! Simon and I used to play all the time when we were younger!” Simon and Lillette used to hang out every Tuesday afterschool. The would play in the park, do homework and play spoons. “Okay but the loser has to take a shot.” The three went in separate directions. Simon sat on the couch shuffling the cards while Robbie looked for booze and Lillette looked for spoons. Or anything that could constitute.

The two came back within minutes and the three started to play. Simon would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy playing spoons. But most of his joy came from Robbie have to drink every time as he always lost. Soon their trio grew. Michael and Lexi soon joined the game and time flew by. In a blink of an eye they had been playing for over an hour. They were all laughing and having fun. But slowly Michael left, then Lexi and Robbie. Simon and Lillette were once again left alone on the couch. They scanned the room, trying to name everyone. “Francis, _Gwen,_ Issac, Tony, Annab- fuck.” Simon was going pretty well. Until he got to Annabelle and his mind exploded, _literally._

Simon could only assume she was showing some sort of spot on her back, but as she lifted her shirt he caught a glimpse of a black mark sitting on her ribs. Simon wanted to _cry._ “Si? Are you okay?” Simon couldn’t get any words out. He felt so many different emotions. He was _happy_ , the waiting game might be over. Relieved that it was someone he knew and _definitely_ liked as a person. Annabelle was a _great girl._ A bonus would be that if he had a soulmate (that was _definitely_ a girl) his parents would probably let him do the show. Because it’s not like he’s going to turn around and suddenly become his character. But he didn’t understand the pang of sadness he felt. Like he was hoping for something but didn’t get it. He couldn’t comprehend.

“I think Annabelle might be my soulmate. I saw a mark in the same spot as mine but I’m not sure it’s the same. I don’t know what to do. What do I do?” Lillette placed a reassuring hand on Simon’s shoulder. “Si, breathe in and out. Firstly, were not sure. She might be ore she might not. Either way it’s going to be okay. Secondly, I’m going to invite her over. We don’t have to talk about soulmarks. Just talk about _anything._ ” Simon barley heard Lillette call out Annabelle’s name and motion her over. Simon was sure everyone could hear his heat beating, and he was also sure it was going to jump out of his body.

“Hey guys, what’s up?” Simon felt Annabelle sit beside him as Lillette jumped into a conversation about science. Simon decided to shuffle closer to her, to see if he felt something. He stretched and put his arm around her. “Is this okay?” He felt the need to ask her. He _wasn’t_ about to go around and make her feel uncomfortable. But as he was looking around the room, his eyes landed on the one person he was trying to forget.

Jeremy was sitting in the kitchen talking to Michael and Simon _couldn’t help_ but watch. He wasn’t even sure _why_ , probably just because he didn’t know much about Jeremy. And then Simon’s breath hitched once again. Jeremy had lifted his t-shirt up, exposing a dark blob on his rib. In the exact same place as Simon and Annabelle’s. Simon’s head was spinning even more. Jeremy and he _could not be soulmates_. It just couldn’t be. He started to shake. So many scenarios ran through his head, he could feel the blood rush from his face.

 _What if_ Jeremy was his soulmate and he was alone forever _? What if_ Annabelle was his soulmate but they remained platonic? _What if_ they were both his soulmate and Simon had to navigate some three-way relationship? _What if_ Jeremy was his romantic soulmate? _What if_ neither of them was his soulmate and he was freaking out over nothing?

 “Simon are you alright?” Simon was suddenly brought back to life. He was sitting on the couch with his arm wrapped around his possible soulmate while staring at his other possible soulmate. “ _Uh,_ I’m fine, _I’m fine_.” He could see Lillette looking at him like ‘shut up you’re _not fine’_. “ _Uh_ , could I talk to you for a sec?” Annabelle nodded, and Simon lead her to an unoccupied room upstairs.

“What’s up Simon? You want to go on another date?” Simon and Annabelle had gone on a date a couple weeks back and had yet to do anything about it. Simon didn’t really feel anything, so he had decided not to act. But in being faced with the situation he _wished_ he had. “Look this may be completely out of line but could I see your soulmark?” Annabelle laughed awkwardly, Simon could tell she was a little uncomfortable.

“That into me already?” It was now Simon’s turn to awkwardly laugh. He could feel his heart clenching. Simon had no clue what he was hoping for, but he got his answer. Annabelle lifted her shirt to show a soulmark, that indeed was in the same place as Simons. But was not the same. Simon without thinking lifted his shirt up too. “I saw you lift your shirt and I _wasn’t sure_ if we were the same. I started freaking out and this seemed like the best option.” She seemed to understand the predicament Simon had been put in.

“I hope you find them, _friends?_ ” Simon nodded quickly, and they pulled into a mutual hug. Simon felt a _little_ guilty that he was relieved. But he still was freaking out. Annabelle may not have been his soulmate, but Jeremy was another story. Simon still had no clue if Jeremy was his soulmate or not. He wasn’t sure how he would react to it.

Things started to fall into place when Simon thought about Jeremy being his soulmate. It explained how he made him feel, _uneasy_ but also weirdly comfortable. It explained that Simon could feel Jeremy’s presence if they were in the same room. But Simon _wasn’t gay_. He just couldn’t.

He and Annabelle made their way down the stairs, together. Once they reached the living room they found almost all of the party sitting around the room in a vague circle. Simon could see shots covering the coffee table. He spotted Lillette next to Robbie in the corner, so he manoeuvred his way over to them. “ _What_ is going on?” Lillette’s eyes widened at him reappearing so quickly, so Simon shook his head to signify that Annabelle is in fact not his soulmate. “Truth or dare, you refuse you do a shot.” Simon nodded at Robbie thankful for his explanation.

“Clark, take two shots then attempt to do a _cartwheel.”_ Simon watched as Clark downed to shots and fell straight on his butt. He had to admit it was _pretty_ funny. But in the corner of his eye he could see Jeremy laughing. He watched the twinkle in his eye. He watched as he brushed his hand through his hair. Even as Jeremy turned to look at him, rather than look away like he had been doing all night, he _smiled._

Though he immediately regretted the decision as the interaction caused Jeremy to come and approach Simon. “Could we, _talk?_ ” Simon was stunned, but he followed as the boy walked out the front door and sat on the porch swing. The swung in silence for a while until Jeremy spoke up. “Look I’m not normally this upfront or blunt. I’m actually _quite_ subtle but I saw your mark the other day. Accidently _of course,_ I’m _not a mark perv_. But anyway, I saw it and I think it matches mine. But I didn’t want to assume because you know if you assume it makes an ass out of _you and me_. But I also didn’t want to leave it, so I guess that’s why we are out here and I’m talking to you. _Oh my god_ I ramble when I’m nervous, so I should probably shut up. But _yeah,_ that’s my little rant for the night.”

Simon took a minute to comprehend what Jeremy had told him. Then he took another couple of minutes to stare at the mark he had exposed by pulling his t-shirt up. A rose with three leaves and six petals was marked on his skin. The black stood out against his pale skin. Simon stared at it for so long that his vision _blurred._

 _Jeremy Travers_ was his soulmate. Jeremy Travers was his _soulmate._ Jeremy Travers _was his_ soulmate. Simon knew that his life was going to be _complicated_ , but he didn’t realise how much. _How_ was he supposed to navigate this? His whole life he had been taught that being gay was _not_ natural. It was not okay. _But_ he also spent his whole life being taught that it was _not_ okay to be with someone who _wasn’t_ your soulmate.

He didn’t know how to react, so he _didn’t._ They sat swinging quietly as a million thoughts swirled around Simon’s head. His soulmate was a boy. He was freaking out. His parents were going to freak out. His church was going to freak out. Meeting your soulmate was _supposed to be_ a happy, fulfilling moment. But all that was running though his head was bad.

He was scared of how everyone would react. He was concerned about where their relationship was going to go. He was confused, he barely knew anything about Jeremy. But suddenly they were partners for life _, platonic or romantic_. There was also the fact that Simon wanted a romantic soulmate, he wasn’t sure if he was going to get that.

But then Jeremy grabbed his hand. Suddenly all his fears, doubts and concerns _melted away_. All he could think about was the warmth radiating off of his hand. Simon was suddenly feeling bold, so he rested his head on his shoulder. Just to see what it would feel like. He felt _at home_. He felt as if his whole life he had been missing a piece of a puzzle and for a split second _he found it._

But then the weight of the world was once again placed on his shoulders when Jeremy removed his hand. The way he felt in that single moment scared Simon completely. How could something that felt so right be wrong? How could he give that up? Yet how could be feel comfortable?

Simon Saunders was _still not gay._ But _maybe_ he had a romantic soulmate. _Maybe_ things had worked out and his life was a step closer to completion. Or _maybe_ it had just been ruined. But either way, Jeremy Travers had a cute smile that made Simon’s heart go wild. And he _finally_ knew why.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow simon is a mess lol. i really hate the whole annabelle storyline in the show so i talked about it briefly but also finished it quickly lol. simon is still going to struggle with his identity so don’t think it’s sunshine and rainbows. i hope i did him justice! i find simon really hard to write as i don’t want to be too anti-gay but i don’t want to be too accepting either.  
> p.s the title is from a guy that i’d kinda be into from be more chill (such a good musical)  
> p.p.s siremy’s soulmark is here – https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/667306869760849569/  
> annabelles soulmark here - https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/380061656044786844/


	7. but we're a million worlds apart

**CHAPTER SEVEN – but we’re a million worlds apart**

_“Most people admit to feeling a strong connection to their soulmate before they even know who they are. This leads people to fall deeply in love with their soulmate before they are sure it is them. This also leads people to fall in love with people who are not their soulmate.”_

Lillette Suarez was _never_ really one to pine. She could not remember ever even having a serious crush. Sure, as she walked down the street guys caught her eye. But she was _A,_ too shy to ever consider pursuing something. And _B,_ she just didn’t have the time. But then Robbie Thorne walked into her life.

At first, he was a dumb jock, _a cute_ dumb jock, but a _dumb jock_ none the less. But then he started spending time with her. Opening up and really listening to what she had to say. Suddenly he wasn’t a dumb jock anymore. He was her cute friend/scene partner. They ran lines and hash browns together. Suddenly he wasn’t a cute friend/scene partner he was a _crush_. A crush who maybe liked her back.

But Lillette didn’t want to get her hopes up. She had seen how quickly Robbie had moved on from girl to girl. Was she _wrong, oblivious even_ to think that maybe she might be different? She tried hard not to think of it that way. She tried to cast aside her feelings and just get to know him. They had a connection, but they really didn’t know each other.

But that _was way_ easier said than done. Especially when she saw him walk in the door to Jolene’s party. She was surprised, she was sure he wouldn’t come. Parties _were his scene,_ but theatre parties were a completely different story. But he walked in with such confidence and immediately started to greet people. He made his way over to Lillette (and Simon but she wasn’t really paying attention to him) and sat down.

Lillette felt her heart go crazy when he suggested to play cards. It was one of _her favourite things_ to do (was it too much to think she had mentioned it briefly and he suggested it because of her). They played for what seemed like forever. She found it so cute when he kept losing, so he got tipsier. Lillette put the pieces together that pointed towards Robbie being an affectionate drunk. A drunk who wanted cuddles _constantly_ , which seemed like were he was headed.

Then he stopped playing cards and Lillette’s world dimmed just a little. It made her sad he wasn’t around, but her world didn’t revolve around Robbie. So, she played matchmaker for a bit. Helping Simon to talk to Annabelle, someone he thought was his soulmate (who Lillette knew was _not_ , but helped anyway like the good friend she is).

The group started playing truth or dare and Lillette became immediately amused by how willing the participants were. She was laughing and having a great time. Then Robbie came and stood next to her and she just felt lighter, _happier_. It was amazing how even him just standing next to her had such an effect.

In that moment Lillette realised how much she really did like Robbie, how much she truly connected with him. But she also realised that despite these feeling she couldn’t become dependent. A partner was someone who you leant on for help, went to for a comforting word. But you shouldn’t let them carry you, become your _everything._

Lillette really liked Robbie, that much was _certain._ But she was worried she was becoming too attached. That the moment the show ended he would go find someone else to entertain him. Lillette didn’t want to become so dependant that if it ever happened she would be lost. She was a big girl, her own person. She was strong and independent. She wasn’t Robbie’s girl, she was _Lillette Suarez._

 

Gwen Strickland was a walking, talking _mess_ who should not be allowed near alcohol of any kind. The thing is Gwen tended to do dumb things when she was drunk. As her mind stayed sober and she just had a little extra balls. And even her sober mind was really not known for making great decisions.

She really felt the full force of her decision making at Jolene’s party. She originally was planning to bail on the party entirely. Her family life was seriously too _depressing_ and Gwen honestly couldn’t be bothered. Then she took one look at her mom sitting on the couch, alone, drinking red wine and watching the Kardashians and decided a party was exactly what she needed.

She grabbed her keys and strutted out the door, simply telling her mom she was going to Jolene’s and was going to stay the night. Her mum used to be quite invested in whatever Gwen was doing, she always helped out with the theatre and liked to talk with Gwen’s friends. But now she wasn’t so invested. Gwen noticed her retreating into her shell. She spent time obsessing over things, getting lost in trances.

Such as spending hours upon hours making the costumes perfect. She sat in her art room and drew pieces that Gwen thought took days. She had even come home once to a kitchen full of around 100 cupcakes (the troupe was fed well the next day). Her mum was on pilot mode, not thinking about what she was doing. And it scared Gwen _shitless._

So of course, she decided that going to a party was a good idea. Of course, of course. When she arrived at the party she had no clue what to do. She hadn’t been planning on arriving at the party, so she was just a little bit overwhelmed. She wandered around aimlessly, watching the people of the party and deciding where she wanted to be. In the end she had made her way out to the porch and found herself launched into a game of beer pong. She was partnered with Cecilia, a red haired girl who played the violin. Against them was Harmony and Izzy, a sweet girl with glasses who played the bass guitar.

To be brutally honest Gwen was pretty crap at beer pong. She had played quite a bit, it was her favourite party pastime (she hated party games with a _passion)_. Sports wasn’t really her forte. But luckily Cecilia seemed to be great, she was getting in shot after shot. Harmony and Izzy didn’t seem to be that great either, so Gwen didn’t have to drink too much.

So, she and Cecilia won the game of beer pong and could still walk in a straight line. Gwen considered that a huge win. Then Cecilia decided they should celebrate their victory by doing shots. Gwen really had no reason to object, so she went along with it. After rounds of shots and crappily dancing Gwen could barely talk coherently. Man, she forgot how _hardcore_ theatre kids party.

So, at that point in the night Gwen had planned to stop drinking, have some water, and she should be alright. She really hated hangovers and didn’t feel like spending the next day with a hangover. “Alright kiddies! Everyone’s playing truth or dare! I don’t care if you don’t want to, you are! Don’t want to do the dare or truth, you take a shot! Let’s start with Tony!” Gwen groaned, loud.  She literally hated truth or dare, with a _burning passion_. It was a dumb middle school game that she even hated in middle school.

So, Jolene was a spanner in Gwen’s quest to not get a hangover. The only way Gwen was going to get through the game was with a drink or two in hand. And the only way to follow her own personal rule (don’t play dumb middle school games) and leave the party with all her secrets intact was to drink.

Gwen was what she liked to call herself a _dumb drunk_. She wasn’t overly happy, or angry, or sneezed. She simply made dumb decisions. She believed this was God’s (or whoever keeps screwing up her life) way of telling her to _stop drinking_. Drinking underage was a bad idea, so her karma was to make more bad decisions. Like at a party in the summer, she had gotten drunk and jumped in the pool, fully clothed. Or one not to long ago she had stolen a whisk from Annabelle’s house and the next day she had to do a _walk of shame_ to return it. That one was her personal favourite.

So, as she sat there, drink in hand, bored out of her brain she decided to write a list of things that her future dumb drunk self might do. Who knows why Gwen thought that was a good way to past the time. But she did. One, Jump in the pool ( _again_ ). Two, Drink some more (preferably something _fruity_ ). Three, Steal a different kitchen utensil. Four, Spray paint something (hopefully funny and not dumb like _Gwen was here_ ). Five, Drunk call someone. Finally, six, yell at Mr Mazzu (she wasn’t really sure about _the logistics of this one_ ).

By the time she was finished with the list the game had been going on for way too long. Like forever and a day too long. So, Gwen at this point in time was completely and utterly drunk. Stumbling, vomiting and offending people drunk. Her body and her brain had been pretty much disconnected at that point in time. She hated coke but for _some reason_ she grabbed it instead of lemonade. Small things like that were happening left, right and centre.

Luckily it had been small inconsequential things like that for around an hour. Then the truth or dare game disbanded and she had to find something to do other than make fun of truth or dare. That’s where her bad decision making really kicked in. Without knowing what she was doing she pulled put her phone and dialled a certain number. “ _Hi!_ ” she could hear faint groaning on the other side.

“Gwen, _why are you calling me_? It’s late.” She giggled, something she really only did when drunk. “Aren’t I allowed to just want to hear your voice?” She could imagine him on the other side of the line, rolling his eyes but smiling none the less. “Not when you tell me to shut up on a _daily basis_.” In her head she responded with something witty and sarcastic, but her mouth didn’t move like that. “Okay well you’re actually in my head all the time, that’s why I called you. I’m also really drunk and too much of a coward to do it in real life. Like chicken little!”

“Chicken Little? You know _what I don’t want to know_. I think you should drink some water and go to sleep. I want you to text or call me if you need to go anywhere and I’ll come pick you up okay? I don’t want you driving anywhere.” She giggled, for some reason she was happy he cared so much. “ _Okay mum_!” She could hear his scoff. “I’m going to go now, could you text me when you are in bed please.”

“Gordy don’t leave me!” She suddenly felt sad, she wanted to listen to him talk for hours. “Bye Gwen.” She heard the deafening sound of the end of a call. She felt sad he left her all alone at the party, with a headache and music pounding. But she remembered his words and actually became a responsible drunk for once. She dragged herself up the stairs and crashed onto the bed. Pulled her shoes off and climbed under the covers. She knew the hangover would be bad in the morning, but for now the alcohol helped. It numbed the pain. _And at least_ she knew in the morning Gordy would be there for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that was super short, i think it’s a cute and sweet chapter though. i find lillette really hard to write, but gwens really fun as she has this idgaf attitude. if y’all are confused lillette and robbie are like half a thing, but not together together.  
> p.s the title is from if i could tell her, from dear evan hansen


	8. i need help believing you're with me tonight

**CHAPTER EIGHT – i need help believing you’re with me tonight**

“ _Most soulmate pairings do not begin a romantic or even platonic relationship immediately. It is found that most pairings need time to process the information before they can even think about a relationship with their soulmate. Most need time and space to work out how their soulmate will fit into their life_ ”

Jeremy Travers to say the least was freaking _confused_. At Jolene’s party the week before he and Simon had had a moment. Jeremy had shown Simon his mark and from the way he reacted Jeremy _assumed_ he had the same one. He hadn’t pulled away at their intertwined hands and he had even _deepened_ the embrace.

So, Jeremy _assumed_ that they would text or call and talk about the revelation. But all he heard was radio silence. Not a confirmation or denial. So, he just thought that Simon wanted to talk to him in person, which was fair. The conversation they were going to have would be a huge one. But then he got to school, and Simon wouldn’t even _look_ at him. Jeremy saw him walking down the halls, but Simon looked away.

Even at rehearsals he would avidly avoid Jeremy. At first, he _assumed_ that he needed some time to come to terms with their marking. But after a week all hope of talking was thrown out the window. And Jeremy realised he needed to _stop assuming things._

Simon had never even shown him his mark. Jeremy had no clue whether they were actually marked or not. _What if_ Simon just thought it was funny to play with his feelings like that? _What if_ it was all a big joke and Simon was going around telling people he was gay or something? _What if_ he had seen the way Jeremy looked at him in rehearsals and thought it was funny?

But _what if_ they were soulmates? _What if_ Simon was disappointed that it was him? _What if_ he didn’t like him? _What if_ he was avoiding him because he didn’t want to be with him? _What if_ he had taken one look at him and decided against him?

So many different thoughts were running through his head, none of them good. Every possible reason that Simon was not talking to him made his stomach turn. It made him anxious, on edge and out of it. “Jeremy are you _listening?_ ” Jeremy was brought back to the real world. It was Friday, first break and Annabelle had asked him something. “ _Uh_ , no sorry.” Annabelle shook her head and launched into a story about something that had happened last rehearsal.

But to be honest Jeremy _couldn’t care less_. He pretended to look interested and vaguely listened in case she asked him a question. But then his thoughts wandered back to the Simon situation. He had _no clue_ what he was going to do. Later it was going to be the mandatory Friday night rehearsal. On Wednesday Mr Mazzuchelli had said that they were going to run through some of the scenes from act two. Jeremy was scared shitless. He had no idea what he would do if they had to run through their scene.

“Annabelle, what’s the deal with you and Simon? I saw you two disappear at Jolene’s party.” Jeremy suddenly perked up at the mention of all his problems. Michael had asked Annabelle, but he had glanced at Jeremy quite a bit while doing so. Jeremy was cast back to the party and how he had told Michael about his suspicions. The Monday after he had told him everything that went down on the porch.

“Ah, _nothing’_ s going on.” The table didn’t seem convinced, so she continued. “He asked me about soulmarks, _that’s it_!” Jeremy could feel his heart drop, they had talked about soulmarks. He could also see everyone’s eyes widening. “Don’t get your panties in a twist, we aren’t.” Jeremy let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in. His skin _was clear,_ and his crops were _flourishing._

“Don’t worry Bell, you’ll find him one day.” Jeremy reassured his friend, while cheering on the inside. “Can we save the sappy shit for another time? Simon is _too short_ for you anyway.” He could see everyone simultaneously roll their eyes at Jolene. “Jolene is a heartless monster, _thanks_ for coming to my ted talk.” Jeremy had a stack of vines and memes saved on his phone that he liked to reference from time to time. “Will you _ever stop_ speaking in meme?”

“I’m a bad bitch, you _can’t kill me_!” Jeremy could feel the stares and glares of his friends, so he continued to annoy them throughout the day. “Marlene your speech was so good!” He and Jolene were in Italian and they had to present an assignment they had been working on. “My name is Jolene, like with a-” He laughed at her lack of vine culture. “Oh my god why can’t you just take the freaking _complement!”_

He and Michael both had a free period the lesson before lunch on Friday. They normally spent it in the library catching up on work or running lines together. Today though Michael was going on about Robbie and Lillette. “I heard from Cheryl that they snuck away together at the party, and they’ve been awfully close at rehearsals this week. _Also,_ Clark apparently walked in on them kissing in the green room. But Jo said _that Stephine_ and him are a thing so I’m highly confused. And as gossip grandmaster I should know!” It took Jeremy a second to process all the information and find a vine that fit, he was a little slow sometimes. “When the drama at school gets too much, all you got to do is, walk _awaaaaaaay!_ ” Jeremy laughed as Michael covered his ears in attempt to drown out his awful singing (which was _completely_ on purpose).

He and Annabelle always walked to rehearsal together, their lockers were in the same hall and not too far apart. So, it was their routine to walk together and simply chat. Jeremy always packed extra food for rehearsals, he was a growing boy who needed energy. His personal favourite snacks were pretzels and popcorn. “Don’t fuck with me! I have the power of god and anime on my side!” Annabelle had reached over and tried to grab some popcorn, but Jeremy slapped her hand away. Jeremy was many things, but a sharer of food was _not_ one of them.

Jeremy was feeling pretty good about himself. He had had a good day. He had thrown himself into the vines to distract him from his problems. He knew it was a very temporary solution, he just didn’t _realise how temporary_. Because the moment he walked into rehearsal his world came crashing down once more. There was Simon sitting up on stage, laughing, smiling and looking like he got a good sleep. Looking like the top of the world. Like he had _no problems_.

And there Jeremy was. Eyes tired with dark circles from a sleepless week. Messy hair because he honestly had no will to do anything. Frown etched on his face. It made him feel like _shit._ It made him want to ditch rehearsal all together and sit in a corner to cry. But Jeremy wasn’t going to give Simon the satisfaction. He was going to put his _whole heart_ into the rehearsal.

The group started with touch me. Personally, that was his _favourite_ song of the entire show. Jeremy loved the harmonies, the beauty of it, the inclusion and Georg’s solo was just _amazing_. He almost wished he was playing Georg, just so he could sing the solo. But Ernst’s bit was nice, so he had nothing to complain about.

They were all standing around the piano running through harmonies and such. But Jeremy was super distracted as he found himself situated directly across from Simon. How he did not know, but he had a sneaky suspicion it was Michael’s doing. “Alright, why don’t we run through the whole song and then move on to I believe.” The moment the smooth piano intro started Jeremy was off in his own world. He vaguely tuned into Robbie and Michael but didn’t want to be intimidated so he concentrated on the piano and his cue.

“ _Touch me,_ just like that.” The words just came out, he swayed to the music slightly and tapped his foot to keep time. “And that, yeah, now that’s heaven.” He could feel eyes on him, so he met them. He smiled lightly at Francis as he made a funny face. “Now that I like, that’s so nice.” Jeremy’s eyes had landed on Simon and they _didn’t_ want to move. He was _extremely_ surprised as Simon kept the eye contact. “Now lower down, where the figs lie.” Neither dared to break the contact, even after Jeremy had finished singing. They continued to stare deeply in each other’s eyes.

Surprisingly it was _Jeremy_ who broke the stare first. In an instant he felt this overwhelming feeling of hurt. _How_ could Simon just stare at him like nothing was wrong, when everything was. So now it was Jeremy’s turn to avoid eye contact. He just couldn’t do it, he didn’t have it left in him. They block through I believe and the first scene of act one. As Robbie and Lillette were making out he turned to whisper to Clark. “Welcome to bible studies, we are _all_ children of Jesus.”

It made him feel better, only for a second though as Lou announced they were going to block through the word of your body reprise. Jeremy took centre stage as the rest of the troupe sat on the sides of the stage. Jeremy wanted to turn away, ask not to do the scene. Or even deadpan it so he didn’t have to interact with Simon. But he _couldn’t,_ he tried to act, but it didn’t feel like acting to him.

It felt like _real emotions, real glances_ , the words may not have been real, but the actions felt like they were. As Jeremy stared up at Simon with puppy dog eyes he didn’t feel like he was onstage. His castmates, the theatre, the lights, they all melted away and all that was left was _Simon and him_. As the kiss crept closer and closer Jeremy could feel his stomach knotting. He could feel the anticipation.

As Simon swung into the embrace he pulled back as quickly as he entered it. “Simon you’ve really got to lean into it.” Jeremy stared at his every movement, and as he got closer his breath hitched, his heart stopped and time stood still. “Stop!” Even as Mr Mazzu yelled for them to stop they stayed in the position. So ,close they could feel the warmth radiating off of him.

They broke apart and for the rest of the rehearsal Jeremy couldn’t focus. All he could think about was possible ways to confront/talk to him. There was _no way_ that they weren’t soulmates after connecting like that, they just _had to be._

So, he tripped and stumbled his way through rehearsal and ended up on the front steps of the school the moment it had finished. Jeremy knew Simon drove to school himself, so he didn’t have to worry about a parent interrupting there much needed talk. After rehearsals the only people left in the school were the troupe and the janitors. All the doors were locked except the front one. So, there was _no way_ for Simon to slip past him.

He sat on the stairs waiting for a solid 15 minutes. He watched as everyone slowly left, everyone but Simon. He took so long to come out that Jeremy thought he might have been avoiding him. “Simon, we _need_ to talk.” Jeremy was so quick to talk that Simon seemed to be legitimately startled. “About what?” Jeremy honestly wanted to slap his pretty face. “ _Everything!_ Friday, rehearsals, you avoiding me!”

“Look Jeremy, I just _can’t._ ” He almost backed down at the look on his face, but Jeremy couldn’t continue living like this. “Are you just _playing me?_ Are you just acting? Or do you feel something when you’re with me? Are we soulmates?” He couldn’t keep it in, it was now or never. “ _I can’t_.” The whisper broke Jeremy’s heart. “Please, tell me why. Explain to me everything. I’m your soulmate! I’m here.” Jeremy was making a bold move, he wasn’t sure if they were soulmates or not, but he could feel it. “ _Jeremy.”_

They were now only centimetres apart, so close yet so far. “Simon, you have to let me in! Are we soulmates? Do you have feelings for me?” Jeremy could see Simon almost seething at this point, he had pushed maybe just a little to hard. “This is my _soulmark_! We’re soulmates! Are you _fucking happy?_ ” He lifted his t-shirt up to expose his ribs, and the small rose that marked them.

“Why are you so upset? _Please_ talk to me.” At this point Simon had slumped and sat on the stairs Jeremy was sitting not too long ago. He joined him. “My whole family is catholic, I’m catholic. Then you walk into my life and make me feel things that for my whole life I’ve been told are _wrong._ My whole life I’ve been told being gay is wrong. But either way I’m disappointing my family as the only _worse_ than being gay is being in an unmarked relationship. I’ve been avoiding you because I don’t know what to do. _I don’t know_ who I am anymore.”

Jeremy intertwined their fingers softly. He suddenly felt _bad_ about pushing him. “Your family are your family, they’ll love you _no matter what._ And if they don’t, they never loved you in the first place. But what do you feel? I want to get to know you, the real you. Because I want to be with you.” Jeremy was laying all his cards out on the table, it was really a take it or leave it moment.

“I don’t know if you do want that, it’s _not_ going to be easy. It’s not as simple as suddenly waking up and being okay with yourself. It’s a _long process_. I have _so many_ challenges I need to overcome myself, before I even think about the challenges we’ll have to face together. Plus, we barley even know each other.” Jeremy smiled. “But I’m willing to try, I think _that is the most_ important thing.”

Jeremy watched his eyes go from their hands back to his eyes, they looked like they were deep in thought. “How are you getting home?” Jeremy was confused by the question but answered none the less. “ _Bus._ ” He stood and dragged their hands with him. “Come on, I’m driving you home.” They made their way to his car wordlessly, hands still intertwined. They drove in a comfortable silence all the way to Jeremy’s house. _No words_ needed to be exchanged.

“ _Look_ , I don’t know if I’m ready for whatever this is yet, I just need some time.” Simon told him once they pulled up to the dark driveway, Jeremy nodded. He didn’t mind that, now that he actually knew what was going on. _He completely understood_. It was hard to rewire your brain and get used to a new revelation. “I’ll be waiting _right here.”_ For how ever long it would take, Jeremy would _wait_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we love a couple that communicates! we also love meme!master jeremy.  
> i really want simon’s acceptance to be more about his own acceptance rather than his families. because he’s kind of in a paradox at the moment as being gay is bad, but being without your soulmate is also bad. so he’s fucked either way!  
> i love jeremy with all of my heart so i hope you enjoyed a full chapter about him and his cute self!  
> p.s the chapter title is from as long as you’re mine from wicked


	9. in a crowd of thousands i'd find you again

**CHAPTER NINE – in a crowd of thousands i’d find you again**

_“Soulmates are tricky things to navigate. They have such high intensity and feelings that often people cannot differentiate emotions. Such as quite a few soulmate pairings have been found to actually hate each other before they knew.”_

Gordy Mazzuchelli kind of _really liked_ Gwen Strickland. But he knew it was never _ever_ going to happen. She was _way_ out of his league. He was on the football team. Her _dad_ was the coach. He was 90% sure she made her swear off of _all_ football boys. She was blunt, straight to the point, like him. She was smart. She was funny. She was talented. She was super pretty. And on top of all of that way out of his league. Or did he mention that already?

“Did you get home alright on Friday?” On Friday Gwen had called him while she was _quite drunk._ He was a bit worried about her and wanted to know if she was okay. So, Gordy had caught up to her in the hallway on the way to their shared Economics class.

“Huh? What are you _on Mazzuchelli_?” He rolled his eyes, she was obviously so drunk she had forgotten what had happened. “No need to freak out. You called me Friday night, you were pretty drunk. Just wanted to see if you got home alright.” Her eyes widened quite a bit. “Jesus Christ. What did I say? I probably didn’t mean _any of it.”_

“You told me you were in love with me. And that we’re _soulmates_.” He leaned a little closer to whisper the last part. To really sell the lie. She had actually only said pretty surface level crap. But playing with her seemed like a fun idea. But it made her stop dead in her tracks.

“I told you that? _Crap,_ I wasn’t actually sure what I saw. But I saw your stars at lunch a couple weeks back and started freaking out. I was going to tell you eventually I promise.” It was Gordy’s turn to freak out. “You mean you have _three stars too_? On your collarbone?”

“I’m confused, didn’t I tell you that on Friday?” He shook his head and suddenly felt bad for lying. “I was fucking with you. You didn’t say _anything_ like that.” The hall was about empty now and Gordy had a feeling they would be late to class.

“What the hell Gordy?! Why would you do something like that?” She looked at him with such betrayal he wanted to scream. “I didn’t expect you to actually say we are!” He couldn’t process all the information being thrown at him. “I can’t even with you!”

Gwen stormed down the hallway leaving Gordy alone. There was no way he was going to class to he made his way to the library. He sat in the corner by a window. He watched the leaves fall off the trees and the sunlight filter in through the window.

 _Gwen_ was his soulmate. His crush was his _soulmate._ His coach’s _daughter_ was his soulmate. His friend was his soulmate. They shared three tiny marks that linked them _for life_. Gordy couldn’t think straight.

So, he didn’t think at all. He grabbed the nearest book on the shelf and started reading. He used to read a lot when he was younger. He enjoyed the fantasy novels, like Harry Potter. But as he got older there seemed to be no more time. With football, homework and the struggle of having a social life he stopped. He really missed it.

Gordy didn’t like to face his problems head on. He normally lulled over them for a bit. Before find a reasonable way to solve them. That’s why he sat and read. And continued to read for the rest of the day. He simply hid in the corner of the library.

That was his way of dealing with the issue at hand. But as he was sitting, book in hand. He could think of no instant solution. “Good things take _time._ ” He mumbled to himself. Things could never work themselves out instantly. They were in a messy situation that would of course take time to solve.

He had to let Gwen think. He had to think. Time was key in sorting out their relationship. They couldn’t just rush in and hope for the best. They needed time. And luckily Gordy realised as he was sitting and reading. He had _all the time in the world._

 

Maashous Evers was just a _tiny bit_ in love with Michael Hallowell. Only a little bit though. Okay so maybe he was _a lot_ in love with Michael. But he valued their friendship so there was no way in hell he was ruining that. He and Michael had been best friends for not too long, but long enough. But to each other it felt like years.

Michael knew the right thing to say, to do, always. If Maashous was feeling down, he wouldn’t push him. Simply hug him tight, only for a moment. Before changing the subject. Maashous often felt that Michael knew him better than himself. It was oddly comforting.

But it was becoming quite an issue. Michael had caught him staring for just _a moment_ too long on multiple occasions. He had said something dumb and lovestruck and Michael had called him out on it. Maashous was worried he would let it slip. So he started avoiding him, _only a little_. But just enough that they weren’t attached at the hip. Like they had been for a moment in time.

Luckily it was pretty easy. Michael had started to have rehearsals more and more. While Maashous had to be at the rehearsals too there was no time for them to interact. “What’cha doing?” Maashous was in the light booth trying to work out some lighting designs while everyone was on a 15-minute break. He was so distracted he didn’t even _realise_ Michael walking in the booth.

“I’m working on the lighting design.” Michael nodded and moved to sit in the chair in the corner. “What are you doing up here anyway?” It wasn’t like he didn’t want Michael around, he just distracted him. “I haven’t seen you in _ages!_ Plus the green room is super loud and all I want to do is study.”

“Always an ulterior motive with you.” They laughed lightly. “You know me too well, but you don’t mind do you. I won’t be distracting or anything.” Maashous turned back to the lightboard. “Nah dude, it’s all cool.” They spent the next couple of minutes in silence. Michael studying and Maashous doing the design for the graveyard scene.

He assumed that for Michael the silence was comforting as he was happily humming along. But Maashous felt otherwise. He was aware of every move, every breathe, every page turn. He couldn’t think straight. Meaning he couldn’t get the design right.

Without thinking he pulled his hair in frustration. And because the world freaking loved Maashous, Michael happened to be looking. “Maashous, _what’s that?”_ He turned around in a flash. “What’s what?” Michael looked as pale as a ghost. “Behind your ear.” He lightly brushed the back of his ear. “My _soulmark_?” He nodded.

“It’s, It’s a lightbulb.” Michael didn’t say anything, but he slowly stood and made his way over to where he was standing. They held their breath and eye contact the entire way. Michael was around half a head shorter than Maashous meaning he had to look down to look him in the eye. They were standing so close Maashous could feel the warmth from his body.

Michael lifted his hand and brushed the side of Maashous’s face before landing in his hair and pulling it back. Maashous turned his head so Michael could get a proper look at his mark. When he turned his head back Michael kept one of his hands on his face. The other was used to take off his hat.

Then he grabbed Maashous’s hand and guided it to his hair. Maashous slowly moved the hair from behind his ear. His gaze landed on a lightbulb, the exact same as his own, in the exact same place. Maashous’s hand dropped, no words came out of his mouth. They stared at each other for minutes more. Simply standing there and taking in eachothers presence.

Suddenly Maashous felt bold. He leaned down and kissed him. Right then and there. He could feel Michael deepen the kiss and wrap his arms around his neck. They broke for air and once again stared at each other. “ _Hi_.”

“ _Hi._ ” Michaels arms were still around his neck. His arms still around his waist. Locked in an embrace. “Are you sad it’s me?” Michael shook his head. “I _couldn’t_ be happier.” They stayed like that for as long as they could. But rehearsal was starting again soon and they had to break apart. “I have to go.”

“I know. Could we talk after though?” He nodded and walked out the door, not before picking up the hat that had been discarded on the floor. Maashous watched him contemplate for a second before stuffing it in his back pocket. Maashous felt his heart flutter.

He followed his (boy?) _friend_ out the booth and made his was to his lighting desk. From where he was sitting he could see everyone notice Michaels mark and ask questions. But he kept his lips sealed. Simply looking up to were Maashous was and smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the shortest chapter in the history of chapters. but i can’t think as rise just got cancelled. i cannot put into words how grateful i am for this show. this is the longest story i have ever written and i am so thankful for rise for pushing me to do that. i love this goddam show, the goddam music and it’s goddam characters with all of my heart. thank you rise, for everything  
> there is probably only a few more chapters left so i hope you all are enjoying it so far  
> p.s the title is from in a crowd of thousands, from anastasia


	10. i'm in love, and i don't care who knows it

**CHAPTER TEN – i’m in love, and i don’t care who knows it**

_“The most common stage in your life to find your soulmate is high school. No one can particularly explain this phenomenon, but it does not make it any less true. The 2016 soulmate census found out that the average age to find your soulmate had decreased a full year since the census 10 years ago. going from 17 and a half to 16 and a half. Some people believe this is because of the social media frenzy. Others believe this is because of the more open, liberal minded youth.”_

Simon had realised many things in the past week. _One_ , he knew nothing about memes. _Two_ , he could not be subtle to save his life. _Three_ , he was a very touchy person. _Four_ , he was not gay. But _five_ , he really liked his soulmate.

Simon had realised that even though he _really liked_ Jeremy, he wasn’t gay. He wasn’t particularly straight either. He had looked back on his whole life and had realised he had really never felt any romantic feelings towards anyone, _regardless of gender_.

He didn’t really have any romantic feelings towards anyone. Except his soulmate. It had taken some time to fully comprehend. But he knew God loved him, for all of him. And if his parents did except him then they didn’t.

He didn’t need a label. His soulmate was going to be the one for him. The one he spent the rest of his life with. And that was okay with him. And it was okay with Jeremy. “I want to be with you.” The two were sitting in Jeremy’s backyard. Jeremy’s head was in Simon’s lap and Simon was playing with his hair. “Well I would _hope so!”_

Simon smiled down at Jeremy. “I don’t know how ready I am, _to tell the world_ at least. But I want to be your boyfriend.” He could see the faint blush painted across Jeremy’s face. “I want to be your boyfriend too.” Simon leaned down swiftly and _kissed him on the lips_. It was a quick kiss but Simons soulmark started to heat up none the less.

Simon always felt a rush of joy when his soulmark burnt. It just reiterated that he wasn’t crazy. There was a reason for his feelings and they were _reciprocated_. “How do you want to go about it?” Simon watched Jeremy’s eyebrows furrow for a moment. “Is it bad I want to stay in this little bubble forever. Just lay in your lap _forever.”_

Simon laughed and intertwined their hands. “I wish we could stay like this too. But realistically I still haven’t told my parents yet and Stanton is a small town.” Jeremy nodded and sat up and out of Simon’s lap. “How about we keep it on the low around school, but maybe in rehearsals we could…I don’t know not say anything, but not hide it.”

“I guess I could work with that.” Jeremy placed his hands on his knees as a sign of comfort. “Hey, hey, I don’t want to push you to do anything you aren’t ready for.” Simon let out a sigh. “I want to be with you and I don’t want to hide it. But I don’t know how to tell my family. Why don’t we just work it out as we go.”

But as number two stated Simon could not be subtle to save his life. At school Simon had an extremely hard time. All he wanted to do was hold his hand and walk down the hallway. He wanted to kiss him at his locker. He wanted to put his arm around his waist. But he could do _none_ of those things.

So he resorted to staring at him, _a lot_. Quite a few people ( _including Jeremy_ ) had started to notice. “Simon what the hell are you staring at?” Lillette and him were sitting at a table in the corner of the cafeteria as it had decided to rain. It was just the two of them so Simon decided it would be a perfect opportunity. “My soulmate.” Simon watched as she almost spit out her entire drink.

“Your soulmate?” Simon suddenly became very bashful. “ _Yeah_.” Lillette was almost jumping out of her seat. “Who are they?” Simon picked up her use of the word ‘they’. He was surprised and relived he didn’t have to correct her use of gender. “Look we’ve only just made it official and we aren’t telling people yet. So, if you could keep it on the low down that would be _great_.”

“How long have you known?” Simon really didn’t want to tell her, knowing she would be annoyed that he had kept something so important from her. “A couple weeks….” Her jaw dropped. “ _Si!_ Why didn’t you tell me! Anyway, who are they?”

“ _Hey,_ I think I just heard my name!” It wasn’t like he didn’t want to tell her, but playing with her was too much fun. Simon sprung out of his seat and practically sprinted across the room were some of the theatre kids were sitting.  Jolene, Michael, Annabelle, Clark, Violet and Jeremy were seated. He slid smoothly into the seat next to his boyfriend. Luckily it didn’t look _suspicious_ as the only other spare seat was next to Annabelle.

“Hey how’s it going guys?” Simon had barley finished his sentence before Lillette sat down in the only remaining seat. “Simon you realise you can’t just _run away from me_!” Jeremy stifled a laugh. “You realise that’s his reaction to _everything_.” Simon hit his boyfriend on the arm. “ _Shut up!_ ”

“What is going on?” Simon cast his eyes around the table and found looks of confusion on all of their faces. “Simon found _his soulmate_ and won’t tell me who it is!” Everyone looked startled and Simon rolled his eyes. “Lil, this is why I didn’t tell you!” Lillette looked pretty sheepish. “Simon! How dare you not tell your best bud Jeremy!” Simon narrowed his eyes and his boyfriend and his use of the word bud. It was so friendzone it was almost too much.

From the corner of his eye he could see Michael eyeing the two but he brushed it off. “Simon, why don’t you tell mumma Jo?” “Because you are the biggest gossiper the school has _ever seen_.” She huffed and crossed her arms at the response. “How about you guys can ask _three_ questions, whoever works it out first can get, I don’t know satisfaction?” The table started to grin widely.

“Like a _treasure hunt_! I’m in!” Annabelle seemed very excited. “Alright, do they go here?” He nodded and held a single finger up. “Are they in the show?” He nodded once again and put up a second finger. “Is she nice?” Jolene asked the last question and Simon wanted to grimace at the misgenderisiaiton. But he held it in and gave nothing away. “That last one is debatable.”

The lunch bell rung and everyone left the table talking about possible soulmates. Simon hang back for moment, to say a couple words to Jeremy. “Just making sure you’re okay with this?” Jeremy laughed. “You’re a good boyfriend _, you know that?_ And I don’t mind, I think it’s really funny!”

“It is pretty funny isn’t it. I wish they didn’t assume you were a girl but what can you do?” Jeremy brushed his hand against Simon’s lightly as they made their way down the hall and to their next class. “One day, _people won’t assume_.” They spilt for the rest of the day.

But just because Jeremy wasn’t in his presence didn’t mean he didn’t plague about all of his thoughts. They were sitting in English reading poems and for every one of them he thought about what Jeremy would think of them. In geography all he could think about was all the places they were going to travel together.

They met at Simon’s locker before heading to rehearsal. “Is it bad I missed you?” Jeremy couldn’t stop laughing. “Separation anxiety already?” Simon mocked him. “ _Hardy, ha, ha_.” As they were about to head on their way Jeremy started to shiver. “Is it just me or is it cold?”

“Just you, I have a jumper in my locker you can borrow.” He rummaged to the bottom and pulled out a blue hoodie. Jeremy put in on and Simon’s heart went into _overdrive._ “You think anyone will notice?” Simon shook his head. “I don’t care.” Seeing that the hallway was empty he pecked his cheek lightly and off they went.

When they arrived, Simon was _bombarded_ with questions. “I think it’s Izzy, who plays cello in the band. You were acting _pretty cosy_ last rehearsal.” Simon shook his head quickly. “We were talking about the music homework.” Jolene eyed him like he wasn’t telling the truth. But none the less didn’t contest his answer.

“Si, please can’t you just tell me?” He and Lillette were standing in wings, Gwen and Michael onstage running through blue wind/don’t so sadness. “My lips are _sealed._ ” Across the stage he could see Jeremy, so he threw him a quick wink. Michael seemed to catch on and sent him a strange look.

“Is it Gwen?” It was break and Annabelle had come to him with an option that almost made him spit out his drink. “Gwen? You have got to be kidding me!” Annabelle looked sheepish. “I don’t know, you guys had so much chemistry when playing the leads.” Simon shook his head. “You mean we are great actors.”

“Is your soulmate Jeremy?” Simon was alone in the green room retrieving his script, until two arms wrapped around him. “ _No_ his name’s Jeremiah, you might know him.” He melted into the embrace knowing exactly who it was. “Sounds like a _cool guy_.” Simon turned around and pecked him on the lips. “Debatable.” Jeremy stared at him and smiled. “Do I have something on my face?” Jeremy shook his head. “I’m lucky, _very lucky.”_

“Is it Jeremy? Your soulmate?” Simon had only been out of the green room for about three seconds before Michael pulled him to a corner. “Evidence?” Simon was having a ball, he really enjoyed being the one in power. “One, Jeremy showed me his soulmark and told me he thought it was _you_. Two, you two act so well together it _can’t just be acting_. Three, Maashous told me he saw you two in the green room _7 seconds ago_. Four, my gaydar is _never wrong_. Five, _he’s wearing your jumper_.”

“isn’t it great having a boyfriend?” Michael nodded and laughed. “I’ll take that as _a yes_ , does my satisfaction come in check or _cash?_ ” Simon had to admit his detective skills were pretty good. “I prefer credit. Anyway, could you not tell any of the others? I want to watch them run around like headless chickens for a little longer.”

“I guess it is pretty funny, I just want to ask you to look after Jeremy. He’s a great guy and I can tell he really likes you. Please don’t hurt him.” Simon almost felt angry Michael would assume he would hurt Jeremy. But then he remembered how he would react if Lillette found her soulmate. “Wouldn’t _dream of it.”_

Throughout the rehearsal almost everyone had guessed wrong (except Michael _of course_ ) that was at least till the end. “Word of your body, reprise! Just quickly before we all leave!” The troupe vacated to the wings, leaving he and Jeremy onstage. “Let’s do it once full out! Kissing included, you’re going to have to do it sometime before opening!”

They looked at each other, trying hard to not laugh at his words. The scene ran smooth as could be. It wasn’t really acting. They completely went for it. He could feel eyes widen when they kissed the first time so easily. Jaws drop when they did it the second time and just honest _disbelief_ when they started making out at the end. He could hear people missing harmonies and cues in the background.

They went to get up but Simon couldn’t _really move_. His soulmark was burning, _badly_. He assumed it was because they had never kissed in public before. “Simon that’s your cue to move!” Jeremy seemed to be in a similar situation, but was hiding it better. “Just give me a second my side is burning!” Mr Mazzu was at the light desk a fair way back meaning he really had to yell.

“We don’t have a second.” Simon’s mark was honestly hurting so much. “Look I’m just going to sit here and wait for it to stop. You go away.” Jeremy held his hands up and walked away with a smirk. “ _Jeremy!_ ” It had taken his friends a while, but it seemed like they had finally worked it out. “Wait I’m confused.” Except for Clark, he was a little slow. “Jeremy is Simon’s soulmate you _dumbass!_ ”

“I think that went pretty well.” Simon nodded, he was currently driving Jeremy home after they had revealed their relationship status. Everyone seemed okay with it, not that he had been worried. Everyone had been placing bets on Maashous and Michael since the begging of the show. “I think I might tell my parents tonight.”

They had told everyone to keep it on the down low, but he wasn’t sure if they all could. Not on purpose obviously, but he was sure one of them would slip up. He wanted his parents to hear it from him, not the rumour mill. “I support your _every decision_ , do you want me to be there with you?” He shook his head, it was something he needed to do on his own.

“Text, call, or just _show up_ if it goes badly. I’m sure my parents would let you stay here.” He dropped him home with a kiss and started the drive to his own house. It wasn’t long, but long enough to compose his thoughts without overthinking all the possibilities. When he walked in the door he found them sitting at the dining room table. He could hear music coming from Emma’s room. “ _Simon_ , how was your day?” His mother asked, but before he could ask his father cut in. “You’ve been home later than usual these past couple weeks, is there anything you want to tell us?”

“There is something actually.” He sat down and took a shaky breath. It was now or never. “I found my soulmate.” There was a moment of silence, the calm before the storm. “ _Oh honey_ that’s great news! When do we get to meet her?” There it was the ‘ _her_ ’. “Is she a nice girl?” He hated every bit about the situation. “Here’s the thing.”

“Do we know her?” Once again his father had cut someone off. “It’s not Lillette is it?” He shook his head. “No dad, we established that when we were _eight_. Anyway.” Simon could barley get a word in. But really that wasn’t anything knew. “Is it that nice girl from down the street, with the blonde hair? The pastors daughter?”

“Aubrey, no it’s not.” He took a breath to continue but it went to waste. “Oh! Is it Cassandra? She’s a lovely girl.” Simon sent a pair of pleading eyes towards his mother. “ _Robert, honey._ I think Simon wants to say something.” He pursed his lips for a second, before letting go of all the tension and smiling. “Your right, they are nice and lovely. But you’re getting something wrong. His name is Jeremy Travers.”

He watched as the colour drained from his parents faces. He couldn’t read their emotions. It was all over the shot. “Our son _, a boy_?” Simon was about to cry. “Honey that’s-” He wanted to hear what his mother had to say, but his father stormed off before he could finish.

Tears filled his eyes as he heard the stomping of feet up the stairs and the eventually yelling. He _couldn’t deal with it._ He grabbed a piece of paper, left a small note and got out of their as quickly as he could. He drove to Jeremy’s place, so overwhelmed with emotion he completely _forgot to tell him._

As he knocked on his door he prayed that it wouldn’t be one of his parents. Luckily the world decided to give him one good thing, his boyfriend answered the door. But as soon as he stared into the boy’s eyes he completely _collapsed_. Tears streaming down his face.

He felt a pair of arms wrap around him and rub his back. “ _Shush_ , it’s okay. I’m right here.” They stayed like that, wrapped in each other’s arms, covered in tears, in the middle of the entryway for a very long time. Jeremy whispering reassurances into his ear. Simon’s hiccupping filling the air.

“Everything is going to be alright, _okay_? You have the show, the troupe, you have me. So many people that love and support you. I love you and I’m going to help you get through this.” The three words filled his heart with an insane amount of joy. You have to have rain to find the rainbow.

His words did make a difference. Because even as he was collapsed on the floor in a tear stained tissue. Because he ran away from home because of his soulmate and feelings his parents did not approve of. He was in Jeremy’s arms. Giving him the feeling that everything would work out. “ _I love you too.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was sad about rise so i wrote a fluffy siremy chapter to help me through it. highly recommend, it works well. i know this is about as ooc as he can get but i wanted him to be happy. but i also think it makes sense for him to really have only felt a connection with his soulmate. therefore he is not gay because he has not had feelings towards any guy before. i would put him on the asexual spectrum, for this story at least. therefore it is easier for him to understand and accept. 
> 
> p.s the title comes from i love you like a table, from waitress


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